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Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. My post, I said, “No.” brought back so many memories. I know I didn’t innocently skip into trouble or end up there on accident. I had a whole yellow brick road of bad decisions that led me to Consequence City.

The thing about drugs and alcohol is they make terrible shepherds.

Yet here I am. Reminiscing on the Sodom and Gomorrah that used to be my life. Upset at God for letting things change. So what if I was doing wrong? So what if I knew that lifestyle had caused me more harm than good? So what if I’m reaping the repercussions as I type these very words? So what?

So I’m salty, that’s what.

I feel like Lot’s wife. Being pulled forward to some unknown destination, but looking back on all that is familiar. Wondering. Was it really that bad?

I know it’s no good to dwell on things God has seen fit to destroy. But knowing doesn’t always help. At least it doesn’t for me at this moment.

I’ve come to realize when the sweetness of present is salted with the bitterness of past, it loses its flavor. And I’m stuck living a flavorless life.

That’s why my word for today is: Apathy.

I have another word for today, but in honor of Sunday I’ll keep it to myself.

#lifesucks

*Rae

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