He Called Me a Liar

It’s almost the one year anniversary of the biggest mistake I never made. Around this time last year, I had a bottle of cheap wine in one hand and a bottle of sleeping pills in the other. My go-to coping cocktail. Why?

Because 2015 was the worst year of my life. I systematically lost everything I valued until there was nothing left for me to cling to.

February: Found out I was pregnant with Jim’s baby.

March: Lost my job.

April: Got the first and only failing grade of my entire academic career.

May: Jim told me he wanted nothing to do with his child because he had a new girlfriend.

June/July: Started reading the Bible.

August: My daughter was born. I was still unemployed. Jim was still pretending she didn’t exist.

September: Jim’s family found out about the baby and insisted on a paternity test. *Spoiler Alert*: She’s his.

October: My beloved pet rabbit died prematurely. Started feeling postpartum baby blues.

November: Jim’s family took my baby for the holidays. I was pulled down into an unrelenting depression. Praying and reading the Bible did not ease the anguish and turmoil that plagued me.

I tried to end the pain of my existence the only way I knew how- but failed. It really shouldn’t have surprised me. 2015 was a year of failures, after all.

They say, “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear,” and, “His strength is sufficient.” But then… what about the victims of suicide? Those who were unable to bear their circumstances?

Anyway.

Somewhere along the way, I ran across the following concept:

“You have to accept the apology you may never receive.”

To which my ego quickly replied, “The. Hell. I. Will. I want a real apology, dammit!” >.<

So I waited. Unable to move past the past.

Waiting for Jim to acknowledge the pain he’s caused me and apologize for it. After a particular rough episode of depression, I contacted him.

Asking him, “Why did he? How could he?” I demanded an answer. Preferably one laced with humble contrition.

Instead, he called me a liar. He said *it* never happened.

The sick part is that I wish he was right. I would much rather be a liar.

Because liars don’t cry themselves to sleep at night. Liars don’t withdraw from friends and family, close the blinds, crawl into bed, and pray to not wake up the next morning. Liars don’t have to see counselors and be prescribed antidepressants.

I didn’t get an apology. But I got an answer. I now know there is no remorse in Jim. I guess that’s all the explanation I could hope to have at this point.

*Rae

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103 thoughts on “He Called Me a Liar

  1. Hi Rae!

    My ex-wife never said sorry for leaving our three children and me to live with the new love in her life. Her attempts to gain custody of our two youngest were half-hearted. Her new man said sorry a few times to the youngest when they stayed at their house, up until they they had their first child together. All that happened about thirty years ago.

    Peace and love to all,

    Dinos

    Liked by 3 people

  2. 2 Corinthians 1:4-5 (NLT) He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.

    You will use this hard time for good some day. And what good has come from it already! You have a beautiful daughter, you have jumped into the Bible, and you have started going to church! You are beautiful and kind and intelligent and you are God’s daughter! You are worth everything. Love to you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Light Ministry Blog says:

    God doesn’t tempt anyone…(James 1:13). He may allow us to be tested in order to build up our resistance to the evil one and his schemes. And I believe God will not let His children…His followers to be tried beyond what we can bear, but that doesn’t apply to all people. I’m just saying.

    Those who would go through with killing themselves will find things much worse than their earthly problems on “the other side.” I am so glad you spared yourself that fate! Obviously, God has plans for you in this life and you should look for opportunities to discover what they are. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story…

    Steve

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks Steve, God has given me strength and spared me from the worst. But being that close… my heart mourns for those who weren’t as fortunate. According to the statistics, that number is quite large.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Light Ministry Blog says:

    I can imagine you are right, Rae. It’s so sad that people believe they can just “fade away into nothingness” or something by taking their own lives. They perhaps don’t believe in heaven or hell, or don’t know about them…

    Glad you decided to stay with us!

    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am so sorry you had to go through of all that, but am beyond happy that you found Christ! Jeremiah 29:11 -” For I know the Plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you & not harm you, plans to give you hope & a future.” The important thing to remember is that you have a purpose, and so does your baby girl! i know it’s hard because you can’t see the big picture. I’m a huge advocate for Always Keep Fighting. That’s what you have to do! Always. Keep. Fighting. Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Thank you so much! The way I figure is that if it took all that pain to get me back on track with Christ, it’s good. And really, I wouldn’t be reading the Bible or praying if it wasnt for that. I was a *terrible* excuse for a Christian before all this. But thank you for your encouragement, be blessed sister!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. “Like” as the blog reply, though it’s hard to read–harder to have lived. You write so well, Rae, which is nothing like the main issue, I know. But you even infuse humor into a stark-serious situation. I’m happy that the words of Scripture touch you, though I understand the times when the fact of a book is not enough. I hope your community is building healthily and helpfully. Your community here is certainly on your side!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Sorry you’ve had such a hard time. And sorry that you were made to think God puts bad things on you. The verse says: Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps his promise, and he will not ALLOW you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out. 1Corinthians 10:13

    God doesn’t put bad things on us, but he does love us and help us when bad things happen. May you find comfort in him as you recognize his enormous love for you. I am glad to hear that you have returned to Christ.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. We are not exempt from the troubles in life even as Christians but always remember that you are never alone and don’t have to face them alone. God is only a prayer away. Your future will be far better than anything you have right now or have ever had in the past. You are loved and cherished by your Creator, so much so that he gave his son for you, our Lord and Saviour Jesus.

    Shirley Anne x

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Rae,
    I am sorry that you had to endure all of that, but God is in control. He wanted you to be the mother of that little girl and you are. Both of you can and will be useful to His Kingdom and you will come through this with His strength to carry you through. I hope that some of the posts which I have put up will help, but if not then read through the Psalms. I always fall back on them when I feel down because God lifts me up with His wisdom.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I so admire your courage for sharing your struggles and “overcomings.” I’m sure others, in similar situations, find hope in your words — even a chuckle (…the hell I will… ) now and then. #NicelyDone #NotSoSecretAdmirer

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Daiverson, To be honest- I don’t really consider it courage. More like exhaustion. Have you ever been so wore out from keeping something bottled up that an outlet is a mental/emotional necessity? That’s how I feel. But I always appreciate your positive and encouraging feedback. You’re awesome! 🙂
    *Rae

    Liked by 1 person

  14. praying for your strength. I obviously do not know you but I do know you did not deserve the treatment you received from Jim and his family. He will regret how he treated you whether he admits it or not!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The past is dead, tomorrow is not promised…now is all you got baby! As far as your comment “But then… what about the victims of suicide?”, If you believe the literal translation of The Bible, they went to hell. I am a little more lenient than that, lol. I prefer to think God took them because they were too weak to keep their precious gift. Resentments will plague your recovery…bask in his lovingkindness! And by the way, kick *&^ bravery, LOVE IT…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Thanks Rob! You said it perfectly. Now is all we got. I like how you put it, the fate of suicide victims. I don’t know what I believe on the subject of suicide.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Understanding suicide, unless you’ve had loved ones pass, shouldn’t be at–or even near–the top of what I call your “Life List.” I will not go through it here, but basically it’s 10 tenants of your life that are “non-negotiables” when it comes to your wellness. I was going to post aobut that tomorrow or Saturday, 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. ps: I put a link to your blog on my blog, because I really think you’ve done a wonderful job, and young folks need to get there! I will visit again tomorrow…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Please do! It’s something I’m curious about because my counselor asked me how I feel about it based on my faith and it made me stumble. It’s one of those topics that I’m on the fence about.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Rae – thanks for the honesty. A quote I love is that “showing your scars is the way a hurting world can know that there is healing”. It sounds like you are still working on the healing part – which takes a lot of time and a lot of God! BUT thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. The honesty is refreshing.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. aafrascati says:

    Hi Rae, the quote you posted really resonated with me. I am so sorry to hear of all the things that happened to you last year, but it’s clear that you are one tough cookie and I hope things look up!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. controversialchristian1 says:

    Where does it say in the Bible suicide victims go to hell anyway? God is far more merciful than many Christians! God would send a person to hell for killing themselves escaping from abuse? I don’t think so. I always believe that God Himself leaves many many deep questions unanswered so that He draws us to the answers through prayer, a humble walk with Him and reading the Bible. Unless God Himself answers such questions, all the answers as such will merely come from prejudice, hearsay or cherished human tradition. But none of those things are truth. It’s best to keep an open mind, and err on the side of mercy. Be grateful we who are called from all walks of life and all corners of the globe have privileges that others do not have. But with great privilege comes great responsibility.

    I’ve suffered all kinds of things for decades, but I had to, it was my destiny and part of my personal walk with God. In suffering, we reach out to what is real and naturally abandon all that is false. When you’re in a desert, everything but water is irrelevant.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. So sorry you went through all that.

    Be encouraged though. Think of David — he went through so much and poured out some beautiful poetry in the Psalms.

    I will be praying for you that 2016 and 2017 are far better. I will pray that your parenting mimics that of Abba. And just remember, even Jesus Who was perfect, was called a liar and thought to be serving satan!

    If we ever meet in person, I’ll share what my ex called me a liar about. It was a doozy, and he was there to know the truth. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  24. controversialchristian1 says:

    When we are ‘hit for six’ so to speak, in our suffering at the very least we can take time out, to mull things over and reflect and try not to make the same mistakes again. My whole life has been a minefield of mistakes. But at least I’m wiser after the fact. Anger and revenge produce nothing. The hardest thing for me is to forgive, truly forgive. I’m a vengeful person and boy do I bear grudges! But God knew all along. I surrender it before Him and sacrifice my ego on his altar. Every day. We are all a work in progress.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. controversialchristian1 says:

    Oh yeah, I’m a vindictive b*stard at my worst. Even if it never went to the extent of physical violence I would simply hope and wish that anyone who crossed me got their comeuppance so I could gloat. Not a healthy way to be, and certainly the opposite of being Christ like.

    Britain and the US are angry societies whereas on my travels in Europe I found people were less so, and less obsessed about social status and how successful you are. They seemed happier and simply wanted to enjoy life, chill out, have an ice cream and exist in the moment. Everyone seems to be on the move in the UK and I know that goes triple in the US. I don’t think it makes for healthy people or societies.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. controversialchristian1 says:

    I refuse to romance women simply because they are physically attractive and I am lonely and need to have sex. I would like to meet someone and fall in love but it starts with friendship for me. How difficult that is! So many lonely men and women hold out for something better but somehow most of us fall at the final hurdle, and we accept something inferior instead of waiting for something better. I’m guilty of that as much as most everyone else.

    I think I have been celibate for about fifteen years now, which has been as much about illness and withdrawing from the pub and club scene as it has being the perfect Christian, because I’m certainly not. But now, I want to be celibate and the Lord has proved to me any one of us can live happily without sex. Seems impossible to some people, but it isn’t!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Quite touching . . .

    I have realized that pain makes us stronger. Though what happened may not be justifiable by reason or reasoning, it makes us see life in a new dimension and gives us the ability to help others who will pass through the same phase or to prevent them from experiencing the same . . .

    Stay strong . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  28. God bless you, my sister! I’m so glad I am reading about celebrating the anniversary that NEVER happened, and not your obituary! The Lord is so near to us. Our brokenness attracts Him. I thank God that you are sharing this testimony, as it will encourage others. I am praying for God to make my heart open to forgiving someone in my life who hurt me deeply, too. Unforgiveness really hurts those who do not forgive the most, and it keeps us from experiencing God the way we desire. Thank you again for sharing this testimony! Praying for you!! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Laila, you’re absolutely right. The Lord is always near to us. I hope whatever it is you are experiencing that causes you hurt and pain, that the Lord heals. Thank you for your comment!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Evil people are never sorry so I don’t even care one way or another for apologies. I have really never had many apologize to me yet I have said it numerous times in my life. You can’t figure most out anyway. God bless!

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Great blog, thanks for being so honest. I do believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that a Christian that committed suicide would not go to hell. It’s a sin that Jesus died for on the cross. 1Cor 13:4-8 speaks about God’s unconditional love and that means without conditions. So even if I am the worst Christian ever to have lived I will still go to heaven because the New Covenant is about Jesus and what He did for us to get to heaven and the Old Covenant is what we would have to do to get to heaven own our on. So the focus is on Jesus now and not ourselves.

    Thank You God for that! Thank You God that you sent Jesus to die for all of my sins and for that I genuinely want to follow your will for my life and be a good servant but You and I both know I will fail at that every single day and You still love me!

    Rae, just keep your mind on the love of God and that will get you through. Life’s full of “Jim’s”, they are everywhere. Don’t let people’s bad choices change you. Continue doing the best you can at staying on God’s path for your life… you can’t help if others choose a different path. God bless you and your daughter.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Very interesting blog you have here…. You need to learn to put everything on God because He has big shoulders… You may not think he is listening to your prayers, but he is… You don’t always see what he is doing on your behalf, but he is doing something… You don’t always see him but he is there and close… He doesn’t always take the storm away, but he walks thru it with you and sometimes carries you when you can no longer walk… There is a reason for everything he does and that is true in your situation too. You have to walk thru the fire because it strengthens you and he is making you into that great person you are supposed to be… He molds and shapes and prepares us for the job he has for us to do… The hotter the fire, the the bigger the job… Don’t give up because he is preparing you for the life ahead… I see a great future for you but you got to get strong, stay strong and keep reading your Bible… He will show you the way…. Don’t stop believing… Don’t stop believing….

    Like

  33. Steven R. Bruck says:

    Depression is tough to beat because it feeds on itself, but instead of getting smaller it gets bigger. What you need to do is to take away the food.
    The food of depression is the past, as you already seem to have figured out. I also would like apologies from people, but forgiveness is not based on the relationship between the sinner and the sinned against- it is based on your relationship with God. Period. We are not commanded to ask for forgiveness, but we are commanded to forgive. And when we do, that makes us right with God. The other person has to make themselves right with God- you cannot do that, and your forgiveness does not do that.
    If you want to get over this pain, pray for Jim. Pray for him because unless he learns the truth about himself and gets right with God, you will be in heaven and he will be , well…not so well off as you. When you think for a moment the pain and suffering of eternal damnation, how can you not feel sorry for him?
    If you would like to, search my blog for “forgiveness”. messianicmoment.wordpress.com. and I pray for you that something God has given me to share will help you.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Steven, Jim and I are slowly but sincerely working on repairing the broken bridge between us. I think I have finally reached a place in my spiritual journey and walk with the Lord that I am able to forgive him. I appreciate your comment. Thanks!

    Like

  35. Believe it or not, nobody’s getting away with anything, our Papa is operating all existence with perfect precision, everything is working for an infinite good for everyone, and most English Bibles have a few critical mistranslations in them that make people think the lake of fire will be eternal. Think I’m a liar? Anyway, we’re all going to be just fine. A little pain is good for us, even though it does hurt like hell. You are loved, little sister. We born of the spirit are spirit, the indestructible kind. Everything is going as planned, on schedule.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. You’re a survivor. Give yourself credit for that. It doesn’t matter what “mistakes” you’ve made, what matters is what you do with them. Your daughter will make mistakes, also. We all do. We can’t learn without some errors. What would you want her to do after a mistake or a bad year?

    Be very cautious about the beliefs touted by religion and the Bible. Some are psychologically harmful while being very seductive. Believing that you are inherently sinful, unworthy, and doomed without a supernatural savior is a very dangerous belief. We humans are certainly flawed and imperfect, but not inherently bad or wicked or detestable. Believing that everything happens according to a divine plan leaves us powerless but always guilty if anything goes wrong. If God’s in control and bad things happen, then my suffering was on purpose, it has to be my fault and I have no right to complain.

    We have limited control over events in our lives. There are many things that happen that we cannot explain. Learning to live with uncertainty is far better than false certainty. Learning to be okay with not knowing something is better than making up explanations just because they feel good. Make the best decisions you can. Learn to trust your own thinking and judgement. Be grateful everyday for what you have. Love yourself the same way you love your daughter.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. Interesting school of thought. You don’t believe that humans have an inherent tendency for selfishness, violence, and engaging in self-serving behavior despite negative effects on others? Acknowledging that we will live in uncertainty means recognizing there is no false certainty because uncertainty, in itself, is not knowing anything for sure. That means any certainty is always a possibility in an uncertain world.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Humans have inherent empathy and altruism, also found in non-human primates. When raised by loving caregivers, most humans are decent and non-violent. Obviously, we have many violent, selfish people in the world. As we progress in civility, morality, and scientific understanding of ourselves and our world, we get better at understanding violence and how to reduce it. It’s a long slow process.

    Certainty is a continuum. There are things we know with a very high degree of certainty — the earth is round and revolves around the sun; diseases are caused by bacteria, viruses, injuries, genetic abnormalities, etc; our senses take in only a fraction of the sensory data around us. We never have absolute certainty because new evidence is always possible. Then there are things we know with much less certainty — what causes Alzheimer’s and how to prevent it; what extraterrestrial life is in the universe; etc. Seeking certainty from supernatural explanations for things we don’t understand does not get us any closer to the truth, it simply stops the search prematurely. It is better to admit uncertainty until we have evidence rather than invent answers without evidence.

    The continuum of certainty is within our mind, it is not a characteristic of the world. Your last sentence makes no sense to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Hi Rae!

    I must confess that I do not believe that the Bible is wholly inspired by God and wholly inerrant. Why should it be? The scriptures were written by learned people, so the temptation to add to existing scriptures or write what they wanted to be accepted, and in the name of respected writers, was great. Also, there was a compelling reason for thinking Christians to adopt the Bible in its entirety as an authoritative source of all things Christian – to replace the corrupt authority of the Pope and his Bishops. I would recommend Andrew Atherstone’s book on the Reformation and I’ve included a couple of links below –

    https://perfectchaos.org/2016/07/22/reformation-a-world-in-turmoil-by-andrew-atherstone-book-review/

    I agree with bscritic’s point that we are not inherently sinful. The Bible contains every possible view and its opposite, but we can only see this if we are thoroughly honest and brave when we read the biblical passages, and not apologetics who find ways to defend the Bible despite all its contradictions. The clearest examples of this are contained in Leviticus 20, which lists some of the ‘sins’ for which Capital Punishment is prescribed –

    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus+20

    It is interesting that some of the sins are punished by banishment and not execution, e.g. having sexual relations with a woman when she has a period. It begs the question as to why it does not apply for all the sins? Execution is sanctioned murder which contravenes the sixth of the Ten Commandments. I cannot accept that it is excused by placing the blood guilt on the sinners. Those who carry out the executions become sinners themselves; some may even develop a lust for executions!

    I hope that you have the courage to approve and publish this post.

    Peace and love to all,

    Dinos

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Dinos,
    It saddened me a bit that you ended the comment with hoping I had the courage to approve and publish your comment. I am not an apologetic. My blog is not here to provide a one-sided account or defense of Christianity. It’s to demonstrate the realness of faith. That includes considering the motives of those who contributed to the Bible. Which I do. As long as comments are respectful, intended for knowledge sharing or considerate discussion (and not faith bashing), I don’t mind approving and publishing. Great insight, Dinos!
    Thanks,
    *Rae

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Good points. My last sentence meant the same thing you said regarding absolute certainty. How we never have it because new evidence is always possible. I just didn’t word it as well as you did. I concluded God doesn’t like violence because Genesis 6:12-13 stated that He wanted to eliminate mankind because they were violent. Thanks for your insight, though!

    Like

  42. Hi Rae!

    Please accept my apologies for wondering if you would have the courage to publish my post. My doubt arose from the number of followers you have who state their belief about how solid the Bible is. Sometimes we use the wrong word, as I did. It was not courage you needed, but the ability to be universally accepting of views that can be controversial among your mainstream followers. I always strive to be polite and thank you for letting me know how you felt about your courage in presenting the realness of faith and a balance of views.

    I’m always wary about offending people with deeply-held beliefs, but my overriding concern is always the search for truth. The book I recommended on the Reformation opened my eyes to how vengeful, brutal and un-Christian some sects of Christians could be to others in the sixteenth century. Currently, we are tolerant of sectarian differences, but the hawks of Christian countries are fully engaged in wars with extremist Muslims and this has resulted in the slaughter of many Muslims who are not extremists – so-called collateral damage. That makes me sad.

    Peace and love to you Rae,

    Dinos

    Liked by 1 person

  43. You don’t have to apologize. It’s sad that we live in a world where innocent healthy discussion is trampled by ego and fear. Granted I lean more to taking the Bible at it’s Word, but I am not so confident in my interpretation of it. I have limited background in theology and am constantly learning. I will have to check that book out next batch of readings. For what it’s worth, I strive to be a Christian who is not easily offended or provoked. Christ was patient and understanding and so true Christians should be Christ-like. I always appreciate the insight you bring. You provide a rational perspective and never make me feel like my faith is being attacked. I know that your motive is truth and for that I have the utmost respect for both you and your thoughts. 🙂
    *Rae

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  44. Hey Raeford,
    I get it. I was a victim too in my freshman year in college by my roommate. I moved out that night while he was out and spent the next ten days in a hotel where I tried to commit suicide with vodka and quaaludes. All it did was make me horribly sick for a couple of days. I never left the room during that time. I lied to my parents telling them I was doing well in school when in fact I missed every one of my finals as I hid in the hotel. I took multiple showers every day trying to clean myself as I felt so dirty. The last few days I spent trying to bury what happened in the deep recesses of mind. I was trying to convince myself that nothing happened. In the next few years I had flashbacks several times but I kept trying to lie to myself that nothing happened and it was all a bad dream. In the 19 years after the rape I had mostly forgotten it. I knew it was there but I no longer dwelled on it as I was busy raising a family and building my career. Also during that time the event had triggered bipolar disorder in me but I didn’t know that and had never heard of it until 1999, 18 years after the fact. I just thought I was an ass. I was addicted to porn and my wife found out in late 99. In 2000 I was diagnosed with depression and in counseling the rape came back to life. I quit counseling and tried unsuccessfully again to kill myself as I finally told my wife what had happened to me all those years ago. The antidepressants my psychiatrist prescribed set off my mania like never before and they finally diagnosed bipolar. I’ve done fairly well since then with a few setbacks and hospitalizations and one more suicide attempt. A new psychiatrist and therapist have helped me become balanced on my meds and I was finally able to deal with my PTSD. I’m a lot better now and plan to stay that way.

    I encourage you to keep going in your therapy and to keep reading your Bible. I have found a lot of peace and hope through my church and faith. I hope you can do the same.

    Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Thank you for sharing that Kevin. I know it wasn’t easy what you went through. Every day presents its own challenges, but it is getting easier in time. Like you, I have found peace and hope through my faith. I am so happy you’ve achieved a nice mental/emotional balance. Still I am sorry you went through what you did. It’s rough. Stay strong and stay in Christ.
    *Rae

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  46. G. says:

    Hello Rae!
    Thank you so much for sharing! I am glad to have found your blog as i am fairly new in my Journey with God and the Bible. You show me that it is possible to stay close to God even if the going gets tough! I have recently started reading Total Forgiveness. Written by R.T Kendall. A friend got it for me and it is full of insights. Mr. Kendall also has sermons on YouTube on the matter that are quite entertaining actually, while being inspirational. Once again, Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Hi Rae!

    Thank you for your understanding, compliments and comments.

    I appreciate your sharing with us that you take the Bible at its word but you’re not so confident about its interpretation. I have problems with the Bible in several layers:

    * the long gap between what happened and a written account of it in the Torah (Old Testament)-

    500 BC: Completion of All Original Hebrew Manuscripts which make up The 39 Books of the Old Testament. [This is an extract from the website –

    http://www.greatsite.com/timeline-english-bible-history/

    * the dubious authorship of some of the ‘accepted’ manuscripts as genuine NT scriptures –

    http://www.jwstudies.com/Did_Paul_write_Timothy_or_Titus.pdf

    * the problem of mistranslations from the original languages of Hebrew (OT) and Greek (NT) –

    In the 1490’s another Oxford professor, and the personal physician to King Henry the 7th and 8th, Thomas Linacre, decided to learn Greek. After reading the Gospels in Greek, and comparing it to the Latin Vulgate, he wrote in his diary, “Either this (the original Greek) is not the Gospel… or we are not Christians.” The Latin had become so corrupt that it no longer even preserved the message of the Gospel… yet the Church still threatened to kill anyone who read the scripture in any language other than Latin… though Latin was not an original language of the scriptures. [This is another extract from the same website –

    http://www.greatsite.com/timeline-english-bible-history/

    * understanding our translations in the context that the original manuscripts were written.

    My faith is not based on the Bible but on what I feel. When I read that Paul exhorts women to submit to their husbands and men to love their wives, I felt that this was wrong. Ref. below –

    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+5%3A22-25&version=KJV

    My feeling is that it is most important that husbands and wives love each other – verses 22-24 seemed to me to be men trying to sanctify the status quo. It also lacks the timeless quality that we should expect from God’s inspiration, since it no longer applies to all marriages, nor needs to, in modern-day countries, like the USA.

    I read the Bible with an honest heart and a fearless mind and try to be like the Jesus described in it, just as you do. The two Great Commandments are an excellent guide on how to live. Jesus recited these Commandments from the 613 Commandments of the Torah –

    http://www.onetorahforall.com/teachings/thetwogreatestcmdmts.html

    I hope this has not been too lengthy and that the references and my views will be received in the spirit that they are given – in love for God and humanity.

    Peace and love to all,

    Dinos

    Liked by 3 people

  48. Hi Rae, so glad to have discovered you!
    Thank you for liking my post and wow for your honesty and candour in saying it like it is. It is clear you are touching so many people as we all relate to feelings of despair and hurt and unforgiveness in our heart to others who have hurt us. Keep close to God and draw from His strength and supply as it is a daily walk with hidden twists yet to navigate – but remember YeHoWaH Elohim is never taken by surprise – He has your days and knows the end from the beginning and His promise to you is LIFE right now and forever in HIm – He will never leave you nor forsake you. Keep looking to Him as He causes ALL things to work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. All things!
    Lots of love in Yeshua,
    Christine

    Liked by 2 people

  49. Christine, I appreciate your beautiful sentiments so much! I don’t know if I am touching anyone, but I know the Lord is working in my life and can’t help but to share. You’re absolutely right about Him never being taken by surprise. Peace, love, and blessings to you! *Rae

    Like

  50. Dearest Rae, so glad for your visit. Reading most comments I have come to my own conclusion: Our Creator’s plan for our good is really working despite our ingrained opinions, concepts and what have you about our Creator & our selves.

    Me? I no longer have any opinion or beliefs of any kind but! Despite my wicked nature, the nature of our Creator reigns within my being not by my own efforts, only, by the power of His love from on high.

    The power of love from on high is the glue that shall join us for a blissful eternity in the Presence of our Creator! The future is bright despite the multitude of opinions & concepts ingrained in the human mind & heart.

    No need to elaborate in this comment. By the same power of love from on high, I have recorded my journey of over 35 years in the Mighty Presence of our Creator. Whatever for? For use in the plan of the restoration of our Creator’s purpose for our creation. Something none of us can figure out.

    Even so, He is present in all hearts. The time is here for our Creator to demonstrate His Presence in testimonies liken unto yours. I am certain our path have crossed for that single purpose: The plan of restoration of our souls to the original intent for our creation. May it so be done. Much love, thiaBasilia 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  51. hope you are in a stronger self-zone now. yes it sucks to have a hundred fingers pointing at you, calling you a liar….sometimes the truth just seems too weak to stand up to them…..its a rather lonely battle….but it slowly gets better…..and you end up learning to be stronger. take care….and thanks for the visit 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  52. :) says:

    You are one CRACKED POT girl – and WOW! Does “He” ever SHINE through you.

    I am soooo looking forward to getting to know you through your posts (it’s impossible to read all this great stuff – I need God to put things in my “in-basket” so I don’t miss what HE has for me.

    How cool. He did. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  53. :) says:

    Someone else was brilliant enough to coin the “cracked” pot image…because He has more room to shine “through”… 🙂

    p.s. He must really BLAZE through me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Hello Rae, I’m so sorry that you had to get mixed up with a pathological liar. I know what depression can do. I know what it can do when I man calls you a liar to hide his own lies to others. I hope you are better. Hold your head up high!

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Rae, as the mother of 4 children whose father took his own life, I thank God you lived! You are a fighter. I can tell by your writing. You may have saved someone’s life with your story. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  56. I am so sorry you and your children experienced such a terrible loss. Suicide is one of the worst tragedies. Stay strong sister! God bless you and may He heal any pain you and your loved ones are experiencing.

    Liked by 2 people

  57. dtbrents says:

    1 CORINTHIANS 10:13
    There hath no temptation taken hold of you but such as is common to man. But God is faithful; He will not suffer you to be tempted beyond that which ye are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

    Always read the full scripture. I tried to commit suicide three times so I ended up in places to help
    me. The counselors all misused this scripture. I guess they thought no one knew the Bible. It says but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. When we know Christ we can bear things more easily but sometimes we do break. I pray you are all better now and will read more of your posts to find out how you are doing.

    Like

  58. All I seem to able to say is, I am so sorry. You see, I have both offended and been abused. I also grew up in church and witnessed the horrendous abuse religious people can dish out. I was stopped cold when you wrote about Good not giving us more than we could handle. It’s easy to picture this as I have found myself in a corner asking God why He thinks I can handle this particular test. Since I am still here I will assume I passed.
    Rae, there is one thing I know beyond all doubt, and that is how much and deeply He loves you.

    Glad to have met you. I think you have tremendous strengths. Maybe this junk we go through is how we find those strengths.

    Oz

    Like

  59. Wow… such an open and honest post! Would love your feed back on my first 2 content pieces ‘a change for the better’ and ‘look at me now’ 😊https://malisehoney.wordpress.com/2017/05/04/look-at-me-now/

    Liked by 1 person

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