So This is Normal?

I have prayed on more than one occasion for God to fix me and take away all the turmoil I felt within. Between pain of the past and anxiety of the future, I was a wreck.

With a combination of faith, counseling, and antidepressants I think I’ve achieved a nice mental and emotional balance. At first I thought the antidepressants would make all the negative feelings disappear. Like street drugs. Turn the bad feelings into good feelings.

That’s not the case.

I still experience anger, annoyance, sadness, and stress. However the magnitude of these emotions have drastically diminished. I can feel bad without going overboard. I never knew this is how people are suppose to be. I was so used to intense negative feelings that I thought they were normal.

It’s worth saying that the antidepressants alone are not enough.

My thought processes contributed a great deal to my depression. There are no magic pills to fix the way you think. The counseling has been great for that. What I discovered was the thoughts that made so much sense to me in my mind… did not make much sense after all.

After two months of counseling and over a month on antidepressants, I no longer feel like a slave to my emotions and thoughts.

I am so grateful to the Lord for leading me to people who could help me. I still have a ways to go, but this is really good progress.

For the first time in my life, I feel normal.

It’s nice.

*Rae

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28 thoughts on “So This is Normal?

  1. I’m so thankful you are experiencing some relief!! I’ve been in bad places anxiety-wise, and it felt like a weight lifted off of my shoulders when, with medication and counseling, I reacted to things much more calmly and realized how irrational my thoughts were. Glad to hear you are doing very well. I’ll continue to pray for you, sister!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for being so vulnerable and real about your journey. I had a thought I read your first sentence, “I have prayed on more than one occasion for God to fix me and take away all the turmoil I felt within.” I have wondered the same thing. One day it hit me: His grace is sufficient for me. I realized that behind what I was thinking and praying, was the thought – if I was fixed, then I would be loveable and acceptable. I was hustling for worthiness. I decided, regardless of what I was struggling with or how I was feeling about it, I would rest in his complete acceptance and love for me. Changed my life. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Braddahr, you hit a truth right there. I did feel outcasted, too. That my depression meant I would never been accepted. You were on-point with that. I am glad you reached that wonderful state of acceptance and confidence in His love for you. It’s a great place to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What I remind people I am close to is, remember that you are, in this very moment, God’s beloved child and you are inside out lovely, intrinsically love-worthy, and unconditionally loved.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Rae’ you have come along way since we first met here 6 months ago. I can hear it i your writing. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I would encourage you to find my blog “Traveling Through Philippians” if you have not already latched onto it. There is an 8 day study on Philippians 4:8 which I think you might enjoy. It revolutionized that verse for me – and that verse has always been one of my favorites in the bible! You can find it at psalmistministries.wordpress.com.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I love this post, it speaks volumes about how once we find the right tools we can let go over these overwhelming emotions. I’m glad you’ve found something is starting to work for you!

    As one of the signs of recovery in my fellowship says
    “We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us”

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ceponatia says:

    I wouldn’t say antidepressants make you normal. They give you a break from all the sadness you feel so that you can focus on coping strategies and new habits so that one day you’ll no longer need the pills.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. ceponatia says:

    I hate this app. I just wrote a really nice comment and it disappeared when I pressed send. Haha. Well basically I’m glad you are getting a break from extreme sadness.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Rae, here’s what’s “normal”: Psalm 34:19. You WILL have afflictions, trials of various kinds, but the Lord guarantees to deliver you from them every time so long as righteousness is your pursuit. Continue choosing righteousness, young lady. God WILL get you through EVERY obstacle you face.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. That’s a great verse but sometimes when I see verses that say the Lord will deliver us every time, I can’t help but consider people who commit suicide. I got delivered from that particular trial. But what about those who don’t?

    Like

  11. “…so long as righteousness is your pursuit.” Deuteronomy 11:26-28 hits on this as does Deuteronomy 30:19-20. Hit me up offline for additional discussion. God’s blessings are on and with you, young lady. ALL IS WELL!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Thanks for your comment! I don’t know if I reached the phase where I, “intuituvely know how to handle situations that used to baffle,” me. But that sounds like a good place to be (:

    Like

  13. Satan Give us Negative thought, Challenging thought etc.

    Even Jesus he tempted when he was fasting in wilderness.

    But God on other hand will always be with you, Strengthen you, Encourage you, There is no limit for God to take from where current situation is, People who did worst sin in this world and called for Him, He will hear that person and help him 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m so thankful you are experiencing some relief and managing your mental health 😊!! Though please remember “normal” is a very subjective word just remember to live your best life.

    Liked by 1 person

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