More Than I Can Bear

I type these words with the heaviest of hearts.

My deepest fear realized.

I am at a breaking point in my faith. Of that I am certain.

I don’t know how much longer I can believe in a God who allows such intense misery and unbearable agony befall those whom He loves.

I’ve read the Bible, study it regularly, pray daily, go to Church, and try to live as good as I can.

Yet in this moment, there is no solace.

No peace that transcends all understanding.

Just the utter exhaustion that accompanies a life riddled with despair and disappointment.

The rapes weren’t enough. The severe depression wasn’t enough. Not even an entire year of one misfortune after another was enough.

There seems to be no end to the precedent of desolation on my life.

I’m tired.

*Rae

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167 thoughts on “More Than I Can Bear

  1. Wow Rae. I’m sad to read this and will pray for you… I don’t know if that’s something you want or need to hear, but I don’t know what else I can say. I would ask what happened, but I’m sure if you wanted to share that info you would have already?

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Rae, if I had a way to call you directly, I would. But I’ve got one question for you: Baby, have you talked to Him? I know you’re reading the Word, and I know you’re going to church and trying to do the right thing…but have you talked to Him? Just talk to Him. Scream. Yell. What ever you need to do, but talk to Him. He WILL respond. You’re in the right place now to see as He continues to reveal himself to you. Please, just talk to Him.

    Liked by 15 people

  3. You have come so far Rae. Sometimes it is in the most difficult times that God comes through. Lean back on the victories that you have had in the past and know that God will see you through again. He never fails, and he promised he will never forsake us. He is there for you. I’m not sure what is going on but I know God has not given up on you. Please don’t give up on him

    Liked by 9 people

  4. Hi Rae
    In these dark times, know that God is always with you. You’re never alone. And when you doubt, or have lost your faith and hope, we will be here holding it gently for you… and shining loves light so that you are wrapped in it

    Sending you sparkly love ❤️ and light ✨

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Father God, let Your Spirit fall on Rae in her pain. You are the great comforter. You know how to give her peace. Show her Your love and that You are real. Turn her pain into joy. I thank you that You are good and desire god for Rae. Bless her Father. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen

    Liked by 7 people

  6. serej says:

    Rae. Dear one, I prayed for you and got the below psalm. Please read:

    Psalm 139 New Living Translation (NLT)

    For the choir director: A psalm of David.

    O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
    You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
    You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
    You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
    You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!
    I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
    If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.
    If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
    even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
    I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
    but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
    To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.
    You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
    Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
    You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
    You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
    Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.
    How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
    I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
    And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!
    O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
    Get out of my life, you murderers!
    They blaspheme you;
    your enemies misuse your name.
    O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
    Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
    for your enemies are my enemies.
    Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
    Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

    Liked by 9 people

  7. I cannot convince to have faith, that’s between you and God. I cannot tell you that you shouldn’t be angry (i’ve been there too). All I can tell you is that suffering is a part of this life for everyone. It is the hardest part of life. It’s in our suffering that we became the glory that was intended from our birth. I am sorry that the pain feels unbearable. It is temporary remember that the strength you have now is the result of previous struggle draw from it. Sending prayers of strength, hope and love.

    Liked by 5 people

  8. Lord, I pray that you would visit my Sister in Christ and comfort her. Let her know that though tribulation does exist in this world, You have overcome this world; And because Your Holy Spirit lives within Rae, encourage her that she is an overcomer. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen

    Liked by 7 people

  9. Sending hugs. I can understand.

    There are times when I look at my life and wonder how much longer I’m supposed to patiently wait.

    Many episodes of misfortune have also plagued me by the very people who were supposed to care and be of comfort.

    My faith has been shaken and sometimes I just feel numb. I’m in a similar phase too. I’m trying to find clarity. I’m trying to see the silver lining. I’m trying to be faithful even if I too am tired.

    I may not have many encouraging words but all I can say is that I understand. Sending warmth and hugs. 🌷

    Liked by 4 people

  10. Rae, I feel for you, I really do, I have been there, well certainly not exactly, however, The shedding of our temporal self is a treacherous affair highlighted with anguish and despair, to leave behind everything we know and can understand and enter the light infused dark abyss of being in God and God being one with the one true interior self, it is truly frightening. I experienced some relief reading Thomas Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation, He describes it exquisitely. Thank you from my soul for sharing Jeff

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi Rae
    Psalms 147: 3 says; ” He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds” . I too know what it’s like to live a life of suffering. In 09 my mother died of Cancer all the while my wife was battling with cancer ( My wife is completely healed) . In 2013 within a six month period I lost both of my brothers two of my best friends. On 12/15/2016 I was fired from my job without cause. The Bible says in 1 Peter 4:12 ; ” Think it not strange the fiery trials that come to try you “. Explain your position to the master and how you feel he will answer , I know that from experience…
    Be blessed

    Liked by 6 people

  12. I guess it depends what God your faith is in [=

    I wrote about this some time back because that one question seems to be one that Christianity–in spite of following the God who is love epitome–is so ill-equipped to answer. God doesn’t just ‘let’ bad things happen to good people–everyone on this earth gets all the same circumstances regardless because this world is still damaged, and even though Jesus defeated our enemy at the cross and became the solution to the separation problem and God reached out and grabbed on to each one of us, the only ones experiencing it are the ones who can believe it. Bad things happen because there is still bad in the world, there are still echoes of that deceiver’s voice, there are still tares in with the wheat–but what worse things would happen to the people God loves [read: everybody] if he just outrightly destroyed everything with the smallest root of evil; the wheat would be torn up with the weeds.

    But I think it’s simpler than that, because the more you understand how much Father loves you…that question becomes less and less because you just know your loving Father would never hurt you. Yeah, we’re living in a world that is falling apart…but Father loves you. Father loves you, Rae. Father loves you. And he isn’t ever going to let you go no matter what, he’s holding on to you whether you grab on to him or not. And He loves you ❤

    And all your trying? It's great. It shows your dedication. But it's not what the gospel or the new covenant is about. It doesn't qualify you with God because He qualifies you, not based on who you’re related to, like Abraham’s children, and not based on what you do, as the Israelites were after Moses gave them God’s law, no, you’re qualified by who you trust–Jesus, who you are 100% complete in.

    I know this is going to sound simple, and it might sound cliche, and it might sound like one of those ‘just believe…’ comments but…believe. But you have to know what there is to believe in because it makes all the difference. Satan so wants you to think God is against you right now but nothing could be further from the truth, because on the cross Jesus said, “It is finished,” for you. And you get the benefits of the agreement he made with his Father, without there being any part for you to fulfill, because he’s for you and he wants you to be in the family, Father, Son, Spirit, you. You have this wonderful grace benefits package that Jesus set up for you when he transferred you out of the kingdom of darkness and into HIS kingdom and it has everything you need, your sins are forgiven and forgotten, Father holds onto you forever and includes you in the relationship he has among himself Father Son and Spirit, and Hequalifies you, because you are so precious to him. Your weak, tired faith is as much faith as you need to say “Yes Jesus, I believe.” and you have it all, and so, so, so much more. Don’t give up ❤ you can find perfect rest and life like you’ve never known in Jesus ❤

    Praying for you my friend (=

    ( You can check out Don Keathley talking about your grace benefits package here and he’s so so encouraging to me ❤ )

    Liked by 6 people

  13. Wow! I felt your emotion through this post! I certainly understand your tiredness, as I’ve felt the same way at some points. But you have to know that all things work together for your good. God is always present even in our most toughest and painful moments. He never allows anything to destroy us. It may bend us, shake us, pierce us, but never kill us. He sees and knows all things and He will repay you for the suffering you’ve endured. Remember that He is faithful! Just talk to Him! He hears you! I’m praying for you Rae! 💜

    Liked by 3 people

  14. I’m praying for you, Rae…along with Jeff, Rick, Marques and others tonight. Your daughter needs you, your life has purpose, and in Christ, you are an overcomer! Know that God our Father wraps you in his loving arms.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. Rae – I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling in your faith. I know what it’s like to go through trials and in the moment it can feel really dark. But it gets better. It always gets better. I know that probably sounds hollow right now, but I want you to know that you have a family of believers praying for you – including myself.
    Dear Jesus,
    Please be with Rae. Help her to feel your presence and know that your still there. Help her to know that you’re bigger than any of the trials the enemy throws our way – and that we can do all things and get through all things through You, who strengthens us. We ask these things in your name, amen.

    Liked by 4 people

  16. You are in my prayers and those of many others. We have a choice, draw as close to God as possible to get us through a world getting worse every day because of TEMPORARY winning of skirmishes by the enemy, or give up and follow the one who has for his “church” those who have hurt you so much. Following Satan’s servants leads to much greater pain, and he wants it to be eternal.
    If you aren’t going to a powerfully Holy Spirit filled church, start now; Assembly of God churches are good. Get involved in worship and praise as much as possible, Bible study is good, but baptism in the Spirit is needed. Ephesians 6, from memory so not exactly right, “We wrestle not against flesh (believe it or not), but against dark spirits and powers in high places.” The more your soul and spirit sing and praise God, the closer you get to breakthrough causing Satan to back away. We are in a time described in Rev. 12, with the serpent thrown to earth, and, as his defeat nears, his wrath against God increases.
    Not all the people you meet in any church will be as positive as you may wish, they have problems, too, and may not even recognize them. That is life for all on this earth.
    In the name of Jesus, be greatly blessed, and may the Holy Spirit fall on you, comfort and anoint you, and lead you to open spaces with good and friendly and helpful and blessed people who welcome you with warm mentoring, not cold criticism.

    Liked by 3 people

  17. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” — Romans 15:13

    Also, a new subscriber to my blog has shared some things to which you can relate. She’s older but has had to travel the path that we all travel with the same invisible God in whom we’re taught (and have learned) to trust. You might like “meeting” this blogger through what she shares: https://endlessrivers.wordpress.com/2016/12/21/unteach-me/

    With sincere love for you, my little sister…Whether you realize it or not, you are fulfilling your purpose, and YOU–by the Grace of God–are helping MANY people through your life and what you share.

    I close with with this:

    “24Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, 25To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.” (Jude 1:24-25)

    It is well, Rae! ALL is WELL, in Jesus’ name! Amen.

    Liked by 4 people

  18. I was a strong athiest before I came to Christ… And the reason was just that. I thought if there is a God he would never allow these things to be happening. But the truth is He loves us so much and he’s given us a free will because He not only wants us to choose the right path but because He made us in His image and we wouldn’t have His image if he took our free will away. Trust me when I tell you I get it. Life has handed me one hardship after another and although I can see some of the picture I still don’t get it all. But I just accept it by faith and do my best to do His will here so I can be the light in the dark. I prayed the LORD will reveal some truths to you. Hold onto Him. Please don’t let go.

    Liked by 5 people

  19. The christian life is a difficult life. Our hope needs to be in that one day we will be in heaven with God. I am sure that Job felt just like you when after his life fall apart he tore his robe shaved his head and fell to the ground and worshiped. We need to remember that the devil is the God of all the earthly kingdoms. And he is here to steal, kill, and destroy. Let our hope be to one day live for eternity with our Heavenly Father. We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. 1 John 5:19 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 Persist in the Faith! Don’t Give Up! Trust God! Praise God! >

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Father, only You know what my sister is going through and only You know how to meet her where currently is…I pray that You reveal Yourself to her now in the midst of her situation and strengthen her failing faith with Your faith…let Your grace be sufficient once again…remind her of the victory provided at the cross…in Jesus’ name…amen!

    Liked by 3 people

  21. Rae,
    I have found that my faith can ebb and flow over time, even reaching some very low moments on occasion. But the love of caring friends does not waver. Seek those who truly love you and let them shelter you and lift you up and keep you safe. We’re all in this together. You can do it. Be well.

    Liked by 4 people

  22. Rae, may the Holy Spirit comfort you. May you be assured this season that the hand that formed the universe is holding your hands. You shall overcome and be renewed. You are even now fulfilling purpose. Lives are been touched this moment and I am sure heaven is smiling down at you even when you cannot see or feel it. Behind the cloud is a silver lining Sis. It is well with your soul. Draw strength from the Spirit within.

    Liked by 3 people

  23. Hi Rae, it’s wonderful to see so many bloggers loving on you and I want to join them in encouraging you. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling and I understand that you’re feeling kicked while you are down. Maybe it feels like God is playing some sort of cruel cosmic joke on you.

    Please be aware that it’s a ploy from the enemy – through depression and discouragement, the enemy attacks those who God wants to use most powerfully. My eyes were really opened to this a few years ago when I read Joyce Meyer’s book Battlefield of the Mind. Check it out when you have a chance or listen to some of her sermons on the topic via YouTube. I learned to KNOW that God loves me and is ultimately working everything out for my good, even if my thoughts or feelings said otherwise.

    Keep in mind that Jesus Christ suffered torture and agony on the cross, and while it was actually happening it didn’t seem to make any sense at all – it was only after his resurrection that we understood God’s plan for Redemption. As followers of Christ, we share in his suffering – and ultimately God’s plan for you is unfolding, even if it doesn’t seem like it now.

    Hang in there. Don’t give up. I promise you that God has not abandoned you.

    Liked by 6 people

  24. Sounds like you’re in the fight of your life, in the heat of battle. The enemy has let loose many fiery arrows in the direction of your worn and fragile heart.

    There you stand in the middle of the battlefield laden with snares. Where the thick ominous clouds swirl above you threatening to swoop down and swallow you up whole into the deepest darkest abyss. Here the air is so thick and foul you choke on every breath. Your heart is so heavy and weighs you down so, that you can no longer lift your feet to move.

    The evil spiritual bullies are pushing back, harder then ever. Challenging what you say you believe, what you know, and what you hope for. They point out every mishap, misdeed, failure, and tragedy. They rattle out every bad report. They show you everything that is wrong with you and the world around you and boldly ask “Where is your God?”

    Turn and tell ’em through the pain, aches, fears, and tears. My God is right here within me and I in Him! There is no pain we don’t share, there is no concern of mine that isn’t a concern of His. There’s nothing I see that He doesn’t. Nothing I know that He doesn’t know before me. Every road I walk on His feet has gone before me, to prepare the way. And since I find myself face to face with you, the spirit of despair, that can only mean He has already beaten you as well. The victory is already mine for He has already won this war. God my Father, has given you into my hands, in Jesus name. All I have to do is stand and claim what is already rightfully mine, freedom!

    Be strong my sister for Father is with you. He has never left you. He will never leave you.

    Hugz N Luv

    Liked by 12 people

  25. G. says:

    What a blessing you have been, at least to me, in my own struggles. And all the response on here of people that value your writing, your insights and perseverance. It is through your battles that you are shining, through your misfortunes that you encourage others… I pray for you, for rest and for peace. For His prescence in your life, His arms holding you. I hope you will be able to do what Casting Crowns sings…. Just be held.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. waterandfire34 says:

    Yes, you are tired but you are also strong. Otherwise, you wouldn’t made it this far. Stop looking at the past and forgive especially your self. The more you get close to God the more you’ll have hardships and trials. Don’t give up. Look at all the apostles they never had a comfortable life. Remember this, the world will love its own but you’re not of the world. My hugs and prayer to you.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. This breaks my heart because I’m there. I’m right there with you so many days. I can’t understand why illness hits. I can’t rationalize why I am personally experiencing so much pain and suffering when truly evil people rejoice in earthly blessings.

    But then I read this. And I read the comments that followed. And I see My God in your post. He led me to you for a reason. In a time when I see only darkness, you called out as well. And the words that followed from this community solidified my faith. I KNOW that I am better off for having God in my life, as my Father.

    I can look back and see His fingerprints all over my life. I look back and see the delicate complexity of all of the pain and joy and how each moment led me to where I am now. And I trust that God will keep guiding me. Even when I give up every few days and cry out in anger at God. He can take it. He loves me despite my doubts and will be there with comfort and peace as soon as I turn my eyes back to Him.

    So many prayers are being offered up for you right now. I’ll offer up my own. Know that they come from a similar place of despair, but with full belief that, if not freedom from our misery, God will show us peace once again.

    Liked by 2 people

  28. C says:

    Heavenly Father, Thank you that we glimpse your heart for suffering people in your Son Jesus – the image of the invisible God. We see him weeping for Lazarus even though he knew everything would be restored in an amazing way, we see him moved with deep compassion for Jerusalem a city that would reject him but would also know great suffering, and we see him reaching out to touch the untouchable leper. May Rae know your compassionate for her; that you are the God who is close to the brokenhearted, a God who looks forward to wiping away every tear. Be close to her in her pain. Whisper peace into her soul. Give her relief from her striving. Grant her rest and healing. Reward her for her honesty. Grant her a mustard seed of faith that will grow into a great tree deeply rooted in you. Thank you that your mercies are new every morning. Amen.

    Liked by 5 people

  29. mooseylou says:

    I don’t know you well, and I haven’t been reading your blog much because I just started following you. I’m going to offer you support, but it is probably going to sound like scolding. Just know that I am a sister in Christ who has walked through hell just as many of Gods children have. This world is full of suffering. Jesus Christ endured more suffering than either of us could bear. You and I are given only that which we can bear until it is time to bear it no longer and He calls us home. The evil one does the evil things of this world – not God. God allows it to happen for various reasons, but mainly to serve HIS purpose. He is supreme and in control. We belong to Him and He can do what He wants. THINK ETERNALLY. God, Our Father, loves YOU. He watched His SON carry the WORLD’s sins on His shoulder. Straighten up sister and tell Satan to get out of your mind. All of this said in love even though it doesn’t sound like it. I pray God gives you rest today so that you can see Him clearly.

    Liked by 6 people

  30. Hi Rae!

    Firstly, I liked that you shared your despair with us, not that you are in despair.

    Secondly, I’ve no idea what has helped you through past crises most effectively; only you can identify that and reveal it to us if you want to, or simply use what worked before.

    Thirdly, we don’t know if you have suffered some recent trauma that has precipitated this crisis, or whether it happened because of the weight of many things pressing on your mind and spirit.

    Fourthly, we do we know if you simply need a break from the pressure of raising issues on your website, reading and approving our responses and replying when appropriate.

    I’m not one to make assumptions so please understand that we need to know more before we can focus on the best way to help you.

    For me, when I’ve been at my lowest ebb, it was the hope that I would get through past crises eventually. Sometimes it was with God’s direct help; other times it was with the help of my friends, some of whom describe themselves as non-believers.

    Peace and love to you Rae,

    Dinos x

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Crissy says:

    Oh Rae, your post is so terribly painful to read. You’re caught up in devastating feelings, despair , disappointment ,doubt. But in the middle of such difficulty, it is very hard to see things clearly.( I know). It may even be difficult to see God’s love. How much He really loves you. Think about Job in the Old Testament who went through difficult times. He lost his whole family, virtually everything he owned. He was overcome by terrible sickness.
    Look at what Job said during his difficult times:
    “Behold, I go forward but He is not there,
    And backward, but I cannot perceive Him;
    When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him;
    He turns on the right, I cannot see Him.
    (Job 23:8-9).
    No matter what you feel or what happens, God does exist and He deeply loves you. No matter how awful things become, no matter what happens, we can never be separated from God’s love in Christ Jesus.

    “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD” Psalm 27:14.

    If you hang on Rae and trust God you will be able to say with Job

    “But He knows the ]way I take;
    When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold”.

    Hang in there, we are all praying with you.

    Liked by 6 people

  32. ATTENTION RAE!!!
    TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!!!
    SHUT DOWN SATAN’S VOICES!!!

    John 10;10 Satan is trying to steal, kill, and destroy, you, and everything God wants for you.

    TIME TO FIGHT BACK!!!

    SETTLE IN YOUR HEART, GOD HAS YOUR BACK ONCE AND FOR ALL, NO MORE, ‘DEEPEST FEARS’, BREAK OUT RAE, AND TURN THE NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE BY RELEASING ALL FEAR AND TRUSTING BY FAITH.

    fill your house with God’s music 24/7,
    take your child’s hand and force yourself to go walking EVERY DAY look for him in the surroundings, proven better than any meds.
    keep speaking out loud the name of’ JESUS, in his name is healing and deliverance, and it will make the devil flee,
    write down something each day to be thankful for in a journal

    GOD EXPECTS US TO USE THE AUTHORITY WE HAVE ‘IN JESUS’ TO CLAIM WHAT BELONGS TO US IN HIS WORD, THAT’S WHAT FAITH IS.

    NOW LIKE THE CRIPPLED MAN,
    TAKE UP YOUR BED AND WALK.

    I PRAY STRENGTH AND PEACE ON YOU RIGHT NOW AND AM WAITING TO HEAR A GOOD REPORT.

    Love Nannygranny

    Liked by 8 people

  33. butterflyprincess2016 says:

    This is my Devotional for today. I pray it helps you.

    For Just a Little While

    Today’s Scripture will start with the very last word of 1 Peter 1:4, just so you know who it is talking about, and go through verse 7,

    …you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

    Notice in verse 6 it says, Though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials. That phrase “a little while” literally means a season. The King James Version says, Though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations.

    I like the phrase “a little while.” That tells me the season is going to end. It is not forever. Every season ends. Winter ends. Spring ends. Summer ends. Fall ends. Every season has a beginning, and every season has an end.

    If you are in a trial right now and feeling the weight of it, you are grieved because of it, I have good news. It will not be forever. Things are going to change. It may not seem like it, but that season will come to an end.

    Even if you are not experiencing a trial today, I am confident you have gone through such a season, and it is likely that you will probably experience such a season again.

    When you do, or if you are today, be encouraged. God’s Word wants you—and me—to remember it is for just a little while.

    Liked by 2 people

  34. Rae, if you need time to clear your head or heal, that’s completely understandable. No one can understand what you’ve gone through. Each one of us has our own cross to carry. I’d only say don’t turn away. He’s there for you when you are ready but do not turn away. He loves you no matter what and wants that relationship with you.

    I’d encourage you to read the story of the Crucifixion again and ponder what the King of Kings went through for you.

    Know that we too love you and are here for you. Your never alone when you have those that care for you and walk this narrow path with you.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers,

    A Dad

    Liked by 2 people

  35. My dear newfound, though, in a spiritual sense, long-lived sister Rae, your testimony tears at my mind and heart, soul and spirit. Any who have striven, struggled with God, as Jacob with the angel, know, I believe, the despair of meaninglessness to which you give witness. Surely, I have known such moments in my life, which, when they occurred, felt less like momnents in time that would come and pass, but rather lifetimes. I am sorry.

    At times like this, I believe that there are few, perhaps no words of consolation that can bear the gift of relief, for no one can know your experience but you. As I write above, I have had similar experiences, but they are my experiences. And your experience is yours. I can sympathize, empathize, but I cannot be in your place and bear your pain, much less take it away.

    Nevertheless, as the psalmist – as I perceive and experience you through your writing, one of the most excruciatingly honest souls of all time – oft wrote of wrenching despair in waiting for a seemingly silent, heedless God, yet still cried out to that same God in the belief, the faith, the hope that that God not only would hear and heed, but DIS hear and heed, I will cry out to God for you.

    With love unconditional for you, my newfound, long-lived friend,
    Paul

    Liked by 3 people

  36. I pray for you to be comforted. It takes more than human strength to stand tall. God has used you through blogging to help others. Sometimes we just need to unplug and spend a few days with God. I am looking forward to a future post that tells us how this time has turned into blessing.

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  37. Dear Burtschwab,

    I think your post was mostly comforting and helpful to Rae but I have not found all trials to be blessings, on reflection, for example, the death of my second wife. We can only hope that this is so for Rae and not count on it.

    Peace and love to you,

    Dinos

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  38. Rae, I haven’t read all the comments, but I am undoubtedly going to be a lone voice saying this: losing your faith is hard when you’ve stuck with it so long – but you need to ultimately remain honest with yourself. It sounds like this post has been a long time coming… that’s the way it was for me, so maybe I’m projecting… but… I denied and suppressed my disbelief for so long in an attempt to cling to the familiarity and gain back old feelings. Sometimes I had intermittent spiritual experiences over the years, but overall when I was honest with myself I realised I hadn’t truely believed since my early teens if that. I won’t ply you with bible verses, generic evangelical phrases (so help me if anyone ever says “Let go and let God” to me again), and I’m not going to promise you that God can and will comfort you. I’m just going to tell you that your feelings are valid. Do some deep introspection, talk to some real friends that won’t placate you or try to push you in any particular direction… and figure it out for yourself. I myself dropped the pretence after many many years and decided I had always been agnostic. I haven’t given up the idea of a possible higher being or of a spiritual realm, but regardless of whether you end up back where you were – I believe searching is important. Every religion or holy text can’t be “the right one” and it is arrogant of people to believe that… maybe they all have some truth, maybe they are all a crock of shit… but it’s an important journey IMO that I think you are on the precipice of taking if you don’t revert back to your safe zone. I’ll be around to chat if you ever feel the need.

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  39. Dear Father, we know Your Word is true and right and just. You say the battle is Yours. You helped David slay a giant with a slingshot and a rock. You also say that deep calls to deep. I pray that the depths of the Holy Spirit will speak deeply into Your Spirit in Rae. I also pray that you will remind her of the armor that you have about her. You tell us, Father, that the Holy Spirit and Jesus intercede for us. I pray that You will stay the hand of the enemy right now. And You tell us that You are for us. I pray Father God that You will wrap your loving arms around Rae and envelop her with Your peace and love and joy. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

    Liked by 5 people

  40. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. John 11:21. Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” John 11:23. When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. John 11:33 Jesus wept. John 11:35. But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” John 11:37 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” v 39. Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” v 40 Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”v 44.

    We’re perplexed. We’re hemmed in on every side by the wickedness and evil and sorrow that seems to run unchecked in our lives and the lives of those we love. It appears that God is not “showing up.” We’re always crying out, “If you had been here this wouldn’t have happened!”

    Yet, we see things through our wisdom, our emotions. We look at the here and now. And Jesus sees our pain. He feels our pain. He weeps with us. He weeps for our failure to see the goodness of God because of the things in our lives. But he’s prepared to bring us out in His time. And it will give God the glory.

    This is faith. This is what we were called to. It doesn’t depend on circumstances. It doesn’t depend on our senses. It’s the hope of glory. We might be like the Lazarus of the parable, suffering in this life. Or we might be like Mary and Martha, suffering for a while, but witnessing an amazing miracle. Either way, our faith doesn’t depend on the feelings. It depends on the Character of God. He is Good. The evil in this world doesn’t reflect Him, but rather is evidence of the Enemy’s influence.

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  41. Tell Him sweetheart. Tell Him straight. He wants to hear it from your heart to His. He’s not gonna give up on you regardless of how you walk this one out but give Him the chance to show you He’s still good. I’ve been there. Dear friends of mine have been there too. We stand to testify from the other side that He is who He says He is, He is faithful. Much love xx

    Liked by 3 people

  42. etaxwiz says:

    Where two or three are gathered together in His name, there He is in the midst of them. So many wonderful prayers for you. May He answer every one in Jesus’ name. May He bless and keep you. Amen.

    Liked by 5 people

  43. Father God, please continue to guide your daughter Rae. Please show her something to redirect her and show her that You are her comforter. Lord please allow her to find joy through these hardships. I am a witness of Your goodness Lord. I know that You are real and don’t desire to harm Your children. I have seen You turn trauma into triumph. I have experienced You turn me from the brink of falling away back to Your presence. Please help her Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen

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  44. I reach this place every once in awhile too, Rae. I’m not going to pretend that any of my words you can touch your heart right now.

    But I do know one who can. Philippians 4 says that no matter what situation you are in, the peace of God is available to you if you pray honestly. It transcends all understanding; it arrives when it should be possible. That is the treasure God promises us.

    If you are having trouble appropriating this piece, try some basic research into spiritual warfare. Ask whether the peace is being blocked. Scripture does not give any indication that this piece should ever be unavailable to the Christian; it is one of the few reliable promises of the New Testament.

    I will pray for you.

    Liked by 3 people

  45. God sees us in our distress. He sees our troubles. I have experienced a lack of peace and thought to myself there was no more hope for me yet. But God, regardless of if we think so or not, is here with us. Right in our hearts. Ask Him every day and every night to bring you peace. Ask Him to help you. It’s as simple as that. I’ve tended to overcomplicate things. The Lord just wants to hear our cry. Cry out to Him. Shower Him in praises even when you don’t feel like it. I think one of my recent blog posts “Faith Like A Child” would really encourage you in this season of yours. It’s somewhat of a “how-to” on combating fear and receiving the peace of the Lord. Blessings! – Makayla

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  46. In the midst of your great sadness, you have enough spiritual energy to say you like my last entry on Romans??? That’s a sign of life and of hope. The old spiritual masters knew about the “Dark Night of the Soul” and one thing they knew is that you cannot reach the dawn without first experiencing the dark night. May dawn come soon for you. . . Mike at biblenowandthen.wordpress.com

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  47. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and I will be praying for you. It sounds like you are battling the enemy here, and he will do all he can to make you lose. But know that God is always on your side, and you will win this battle. Also know that it is okay to struggle with your faith and to all God. Talk to Him. He wants nothing more than to be intimate with you. I will be praying for you. ❤

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  48. Don’t give up, Rae! You may not feel it, but God IS with you, Emmanuel, God with us. He understands your pain, even if no one else does. Remember that Jesus experienced the sense of abandonment. ““My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Mark 15:34) I am so sorry you are in such pain.

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  49. Then…let go.

    You are not losing your faith in God. What you are losing is the expectation that this life is meant to be all Springtime and happiness. What you are losing is your attachment to concepts like success.

    Dearest, I’ve been listening to you for a while; we have discussed this a few times; your experiences have been for a reason…a purpose.

    If you want something to read later, I can recommend a book for you to read when you are in a better place. But now, just know…God has this. Back off to a God height and angle and look at circumstances. Look at the big picture of all history and eternity. What seems unconscionable now may look different from God’s view.

    I am not making light of your anguish. You feel deeply and I do, too. You feel despair and I get that. Hold tight. Close your eyes if you must but reach out for the only hand you can trust.

    Liked by 3 people

  50. Rae. I just started reading your blog posts and see what an inspiration you are to me and the many others who read them. God is using you in mighty ways. In ways you may not see just yet. Hold fast to the promises He has kept thus far. There was one guy who said TALK to Him. Yell, scream, whatever you have to do, but acknowledge His presence even if you DON’T feel His presence. I, like many others have been on both sides, and I KNOW…(and you probably know too) that God is a God of love, miracles, but at times, He also allows the testing of our Faith! There is nothing in unbelief. And I’m sure you have, at some point experienced His love for you…
    In Romans 5:1-5, Paul writes: “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
    This may or may not comfort you, but I, too, like many others who have commented have been put through the ringer, and God always shines through. I trusted Him, tapped into the Holy Spirit, and God showed Himself. Praying for ya young lady. Holdfast!!
    ~In Christ, Mike

    Liked by 4 people

  51. etaxwiz says:

    I thought if you when I read this: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Cor 1:3

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  52. May the God of peace be with you. God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Don’t lose hope my sister in Christ. The enemy wants you to believe that there’s nothing more to your life than your past. God will create a new thing in you. Surrender your past at his feet and trust that things are already better. Keep pressing!!! Dont let the battlefield in your mind keep you from living a joyous life.

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  53. ceponatia says:

    I’ve always felt Christian words of encouragement to be hollow and useless. “I’ll pray for you” is condescending. “Share your pain with the lord” and then what? You may as well just scream into a mirror.

    Bad shit happens. People are gross and selfish. You are an extremely strong woman for surviving what you’ve been through. No magical sky man did that; it was all you. You may not be ready to hear that yet and it might frustrate or anger you, but I think you’re coming to the same realization. Hang in there; sometimes it feels like life just kicks you when you’re down over and over but as someone who has also been to the bottom and recovered I can tell you that if you work hard you can climb to a pretty amazing place!

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Dearest, I am 61 years old. I have struggled with a mood disorder all of my life and finally have it pinned down. From this knowledge and experience I give this advice to you: in order for you to be able to hear God with your heart, you will need to quiet the noise being produced in your brain. All those memories, messages, angers, resentments, fears, …all that will have to be quieted.

    If you would like to contact me directly so I can help you with that, do so.

    Liked by 3 people

  55. Looks like you’ve had lots of good advice. Many of us have failed ourselves, been disappointed by others and felt discouraged, but hopefully you’re hearing how we have come to realize that it was not Jesus who disappointed us. He loves you. For me, I had great peace finally when I knew that I wanted Him alone–not Him and someone or something else. It was like finally coming home.

    Liked by 3 people

  56. He will not allow temptation that wen cannot bear come to us. It is a common one ! Read i Peter 5:10 and my latest write up on adewumipeterblog.wordpress.com. It is well with your soul and those that are facing the same condition.

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  57. :) says:

    Dear blessed Rae,

    The sheer fact that you are under such onslaught proves that you are sharing the LORD’s heart. Do not give up. Move your eyes and ears to Christ alone for comfort. Whatever you do, do NOT let go of Him. He is perfecting Himself in you. You are not alone here. KNOW that other’s in His Body (His Church) are also undergoing great attack. But, The LORD Jesus is greater than anything the enemy of our souls can try to fashion against us, to get us to give up our Pearl of Great Price.

    I am a sister in Christ who has been suffering enormously during this crossover from 2016 into 2017. I keep wanting it be over…to come to quiet. Yet, I am continually reminded of exactly what I told you.

    He loves you. He’s FULLY invested in you. Cuddle up. Nestle in. You are NOT God, but He IS. He will carry the God-sized stuff for you. He only asks you to love Him with a blazing heart…and love others – in the context He has placed you. It’s very do-able. And joy will come.

    My sister-heart for you is melting into mush. By simply loving on you, in spite of the terrors that have been messing with my heart and my mind, I’m starting to melt into love and grace.

    Thank you for letting me love on you. It is giving me an actual “return”…right now.

    Liked by 4 people

  58. :) says:

    p.s. Look for the song by The Afters, called “Battle” – The LORD gave it to me after my greatest fear seemed to manifest against me. I’m still fighting – and BLESS THE LORD – He’s already won!

    Lesson 1 that I learned: When our hearts condemn us – He is BIGGER than our hearts!! (I think that’s in Isaiah 58-59ish)

    Lesson 2 Even when we are faithless, He remains faithful, because He cannot deny Himself. (Don’t know offhand where that one is…but it’s there!)

    I have literal bite marks – that’s how deadly my warring felt.

    Guess what: I’m still standing. Blessed sister, Rae, Jesus is holding your hand, and right now, I’m gripping your other hand. We are BOTH going to be just fine.

    Don’t lean on your own understanding…
    Stay in a relationship.
    He’s got this.

    Liked by 3 people

  59. Rae, I PRAISE GOD and THANK YOU for reading and liking the article the Lord led me to write on saving faith being present-tense and active (exposing the “once saved, always saved” false teaching)! What you shared in your post here is why the Lird led me to write that! Oh, HE LOVES US! How He loves us! Saving faith, indeed! Xx your sister in Christ, deanna

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  60. I’m praying for you! I think there comes a time in everyone’s faith where we start to question His plan or even Him. We wouldn’t be growing if we didn’t. Everyone’s plan is different; some go through harsher things and some don’t. Just know that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle, even though it feels like we can’t go on any further. I recently came across a song by Johnny Diaz called Breathe. It helps me when I’m going through things, so I hope you check it out!

    Liked by 2 people

  61. Eccentric Muse says:

    God is with you, Rae. He has not forsaken you. He loves you. Yes, I know sometimes it can be tough, hold onto Him. I’ll offer my sincere prayers.

    Liked by 2 people

  62. “What I am afraid of is arriving; what I shrink from is coming. I have no ease, no quiet, no rest, and disturbance keeps coming.” Job 3:25,26

    “Not my will, Father, but yours be done.”

    Liked by 3 people

  63. angyjenks says:

    It is then we must hold on to our faith.. we must have faith in God and believe there is nothing to hard for Him to change in our lives in His time.. Don’t give up.. pray and stay in faith.. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  64. I hope it helps. All I can say that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I haven’t been able to pray in months. I struggle. But it’s through this desert that I sometimes get the simplest expressions of his love.

    Just rest. You don’t have to be strong. But when you can, hope.

    I will say a prayer. Warmest regards from me to you.

    Liked by 3 people

  65. Rae, I’m praying for you. It’s difficult to understand why a loving God will allow so much pain. I remember times when one thing after another bombarded me with no since of relief. However, I knew I had to dig me feet deep, because there was no one else who i could turn to but God. Friends were ok, church was ok…but no one could fill the void but God. May our Lord and Savior comfort and strengthen you during this difficult season in your life. I pray that the nights will go by quickly, but still allow you rest, peace and relief from anxiousness. May our Lord hold you in his arms and wipe your tears. In Jesus name, Amen. Please feel free to contact me by email and I will pray for you and call you. My email is maryewhite20@gmail.com

    Liked by 2 people

  66. I prefer to respond to each comment individually. But after my 3 day blog semi-hiatus and reading all the beautiful and encouraging responses, there’s simply not enough time to be able to give each one of you the deepest heartfelt thanks I can muster. I wish I could copy and paste all of your words on my heart because each comment has refreshed my spirit. I am humbled. Deeply humbled. I did stumble a bit back into depression. But faith is like a spiritual heartbeat. I realized this when I told God He had given me too much. That I could no longer believe in Him. Then He showed me the irony of such sentiments. No matter what I was saying, I was still saying it to Him. It was still prayer. Like a heartbeat. We’ve all experienced heartbreak. Yet despite the pain, our heart continues to beat. Same concept applies to faith.
    It’s hard. But my faith is like a relentless beating heart that continues despite my emotional downs. Again, I cannot thank you all enough for your lovely sentiments.
    But… THANK YOU, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! God has blessed me with the best blog community ever!!! 🙂
    *Rae

    Liked by 9 people

  67. I’m sorry that you hurt so badly. I am afraid that everything that I might think of saying would only sound cliché. I visited your blog to let you know that you have won The Beginner’s Bible. If you choose to accept the book, you can email me your shipping address. mtevans014@icloud.com

    I have said a prayer for you… and will continue. I am in the process of analyzing written works that try to cooperate a loving and all powerful God with pain and suffering (better known as Theodicy) . I have over thirty books… it may take a while. I will be posting them on my blog. In case your interested. Shalom

    Liked by 2 people

  68. You have recaptured our Lord’s last words on the Cross. “Why have you forsaken me?”
    I underwent a similar crisis of faith when I was confronted with a chronic health problem that left me feeling even more alienated and vulnerable. I would urge you to find as much support in your church community as possible.
    I will pray for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  69. Blessings Precious Rae, Precious to God, precious to us! You have been in my prayers and so very blessed to receive this great report. I was in the midst of leaving you a response last night and my phone shut off right in the midst. This morning, I could not find your blog site no matter how I tried. The following is the verse I wanted to share for I want to encourage you not to believe the lie of the enemy, to lean not on you understanding but keep acknowledging God and He will direct your path…preach the Word over yourself and defeat the enemy of you soul, the devil. He is the one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. God is with you, His every Word is true. His plan is for your good, to give you hope and a future! The verse is 2 Corinthians 10:3 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” It seems you are well on your way and we give God all glory and bless His Holy Name! You are a victor in Christ!

    Liked by 1 person

  70. “Much Christian piety and spirituality is romantic and unreal in its positiveness. As children of the Enlightenment, we have censored and selected around the voice of darkness and disorientation, seeking to go from strength to strength, from victory to victory. But such a way not only ignores the Psalms; it is a lie in terms of our experience.

    Brevard S. Childs is no doubt right in seeing that the Psalms as a canonical book is finally an act of hope. But the hope is rooted precisely in the midst of loss and darkness, where God is surprisingly present. The Jewish reality of exile, the Christian confession of crucifixion and cross, the honest recognition that there is an untamed darkness in our life that must be embraceed – all of that is fundamental to the gift of life.”

    “Hope does not need to silence the rumblings of crisis to be hope.”

    -Walter Brueggemann

    It is okay to not bear it. God will love you through this too.

    Liked by 2 people

  71. Hey Rae, you liked my blog post ‘Don’t be discarded’ earlier on today. When I uploaded the post I prayed that God would use it to encourage someone that needed it. I hope it has encouraged you in some way. I used to shy away from pain, hurt, and being broken, until I realised that that’s when God can really flow through us and use us. I read a quote that says ‘God must break us of our self-dependance so that He can bless us as we cling to Him in our brokenness’. Broken is the path to blessing, as Ironic as that may sound. Before God can use a man greatly, He must break him, because we all have an built propensity to trust in ourselves.
    Romans 8:18, 5:3 – 5, Isaiah 43:2, 2 Corinthians 4:8 – 10. Hope this helps. Will pray that your faith does not fail. x

    Liked by 1 person

  72. I am sorry to hear of your pain. It is distressing to hear another human who expresses such emotion. I cannot relate to your experiences and will not pretend to understand the depths of your troubles. I have had my own battles with such dark emotions, and have had many a friend tell me of their own struggles. Each story is different but with a common element as we all learn to somehow cope with hardships, and abuse.

    Please know that you are not alone. That there are others who acknowledge unconditionally your right to feel and express.

    The battle can be hard, but it can be won.

    Liked by 1 person

  73. Eric says:

    I’m sorry for your troubles, Rae. It just doesn’t seem right somehow. I question God and the existence of God regularly. It just seems unfathomable to me that God can allow all of this misery and despair and pain – so much pain. Yet, no matter how far I want to run from Him, I find myself coming back. Not out of fear, but more out of curiosity. I want to believe that Jesus died, once and for all, so that we don’t have to live in utter hell on earth. But hell IS on earth – there are countless thousands of examples every day. But we have to remember that this life is not the final resting place for our souls. I think it is much more important that we cultivate our soul-life, our spirit-life. If we can focus on being holy then many things become easier to live through. That’s not to diminish the pain and trauma you have experienced in your life. But if we can elevate our thoughts and our mind away from this torment then we have a real chance at living for Him who died for us. Which is our reasonable service.

    Like

  74. Dear Rae,

    St. Ignatius once spoke of “Desolation,” this state of unutterable fear and doubt and sheer darkness. It was in his Spiritual Exercises that he alone grew out of this. When we are tired, exercise seems like the last thing we want to do, but if the will is but strong enough with the graces given it, it will find the body is rejuvenated after exercising. I mean this not just plainly but also spiritually. Continue reading and adoring The Lord, whether you feel good about it or not. But what’s more you have a body, make sure you kneel, bow, genuflect, but what’s more you have a body outside that building, go for runs, work out. Take care of your soul and body, for in loving oneself, only then can we learn to love another. Never forget this. The degree to which you love yourself is the degree to which your an love a neighbor or God. The degree to which you cannot love yourself, is the degree to which you cannot love your neighbor or God. If not for your own sake, for your neighbor’s sake, and for God’s sake, Love yourself.

    Peace be with you,
    Gregory Tipton

    Liked by 1 person

  75. P.S. If anything, intensify your activities, for with depression comes sloth, and with sloth comes the dying out of the light of the soul. The Devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour, resist him, firm in your faith…and The Faith of Christ.

    “Let no temptation take hold on you, but such as is human. And God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able: but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it.” -1 Cor 10:13

    We might laugh this off and think the saints were always saints. But their hagiographies are often full of their own vices, but also their pains. You are not alone in all these matters. See this web site for some Saints who have had the same trials as yourself…

    http://phatcatholic.blogspot.com/2007/01/patron-saints-for-victims-of-sexual.html

    Like

  76. Stop “trying” to be a child of God and “be” a child of God. You are fully accepted … warts, moles, scars, baggage and all … by God. Every one of these posts express how much you are loved. So, can you “bear” this love?

    Like

  77. I’m not trying to be a child of God because that’s already taken care of by Christ lol I’m trying to grow spiritually and that involves more than accepting who I am today and becoming so complacent in my salvation that outwardly I cannot be differentiated from one who knows the Lord and one who doesn’t. And my post was more bearing the trials and hardships of life which in the moment seem insurmountable.

    Liked by 1 person

  78. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
    ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‭

    Gods grace is sufficient, just continue to hold on and remember we all have the right to make choices. Don’t carry the weight of sin on your shoulders, Jesus did that already, it’s your gift that will bless and help others. Just continue to hide the word in your heart and trust God.

    Liked by 1 person

  79. Hello Rae,

    It’s good to read your words; thank you!

    You know that I’m not a mainstream Christian and I make no apology for that. My own view is that the God who contains the universe, time, space and energy and more besides that we don’t know about, and all His living creatures, does not require worship! This belief is based on what we thought the mythical gods required of us in our past and included human sacrifice!

    God does not disapprove of our worship; He knows it helps us when we worship Him. It causes us to focus on Him when we pray and worship singly and collectively. He wants us to love Him and our neighbours as we should love ourselves. If we do that everything else falls into place. Have you noticed how it is much easier to do good that to avoid doing bad things?

    Remember I wrote that my favourite Psalm is number 50?

    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+50&version=KJV

    8 I will not reprove thee for thy sacrifices or thy burnt offerings, to have been continually before me.

    9 I will take no bullock out of thy house, nor he goats out of thy folds.

    10 For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills.

    11 I know all the fowls of the mountains: and the wild beasts of the field are mine.

    12 If I were hungry, I would not tell thee: for the world is mine, and the fulness thereof.

    13 Will I eat the flesh of bulls, or drink the blood of goats?

    14 Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High:

    15 And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.

    My view is that when we read the Bible it’s mostly intellectual. Sometimes we find words that resonate with our spirit and this helps us to grow spiritually. Other times we read passages that somehow have a negative effect on us. My view is that we should not dwell on these things because we will always find these snares. The writer participated with God before he was inspired to write about his experience. In my view, words cannot convey the full and complete meaning and purpose of that participative experience to other people who read the words.

    God does not require us to understand everything, but there is a benefit for each of us in the parts of the scriptures that resonate with our spirit and meanwhile we should love God and one another as we should love ourselves.

    Peace and love to all,

    Dinos

    Liked by 1 person

  80. I hesitate to add ONE MORE comment, but your post “More Than I Can Bear” brought me back to a time when I felt and thought the same. I won’t bore you with the details, but wanted to leave you with something I learned from my experience. Even though I questioned His Wisdom, God was the One Who truly understood and provided the strength when I was ready to receive it to get me through the trauma and the misery and the pain.
    For what it’s worth,
    Doug

    Liked by 3 people

  81. Rae the Lord may have you in a time of testing known as a wilderness experience. Many times great spiritual consolation and growth follow such an experience. Trust in God and pray through it and there will be light on the other side. God bless.

    Liked by 2 people

  82. This is honest, Rae. Lots of us have been in this place many times. And some of us left for dead, except for God who never defines us by the single, outstanding story of our lives, who steps in and lifts us up in ways that take time to unfold, and which also require some choices from us, even if it is to come apart in His hands (which is really the best place to come apart in). I’m going to include you in my family’s prayers. And I’m sure you are aware of a host of wonderful people who are walking with you through these times, alongside God who has never left you at all. He doesn’t need your belief to love you as the apple of His eye. And this gives great comfort and hope to strugglers like many of us. Out of these birth stories of overcoming. Much grace and peace in Christ over you and yours. Indi

    Liked by 3 people

  83. Hello Indi,

    I also like,John 4:42 King James Version (KJV) —

    42 And said unto the woman, Now we believe, not because of thy saying: for we have heard him ourselves, and know that this is indeed the Christ, the Saviour of the world.

    Dinos

    Liked by 2 people

  84. Your honesty is refreshing, Rae. My heart ached for you as I read this post. There is no “inside the box” answer for the struggle you are facing. I believe it is a struggle most of us face at some point in our spiritual journey … but most aren’t brave enough to admit it.

    God’s Word tells us: “In this world you WILL have trouble, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.” … easier said than done, right?

    What has helped me in the past when I come to these crossroads is a message the Lord gave me called, “Embracing Your Wilderness Experience.” I’d be happy to email it to you if you like.

    One thing that stands out though is this. God has a different perspective than we do. It’s like someone standing at the top of a mountain staring down at the traffic on a winding road. The drives on the road may not see (understand) the roadblocks in their way, but the person on the mountain can clearing see what the obstacle is. Whatever man or Satan has meant to bring us harm, God CAN and WILL use for your good. It just takes time.

    Always happy to lend an ear … (904) 729-0110
    Deb

    Liked by 2 people

  85. It’s not always Him, Rae. Sometimes, it’s the enemy because the enemy gets jealous when he sees us growing closer to God. Most times, though, it’s just us.

    You’re not supposed to bear it, hon. I know it’s cliche, but let go and let God. I used to hate when people said/posted that. I’d roll my eyes and think, “yeah, right, sure.” Then one day at my Emmaus pilgrimage, I REALLY let go and let God. Everything I was holding in.

    Most of it was not forgiving myself for every one of His laws I’D broken and let me just say I’ve broken every single commandment, some more than once, and a few on a daily basis and most of the other 609, too. (My mess is multiple messages!) And some of it was my inability to forgive others.

    But I took all that and put it out there in front of all those other people and, once I did it, the feeling was physically euphoric.

    You stopped by my youth/young adult website recently and read a study I’d just finished on John 1:1-5. So you know He’s always been. Don’t forget that He always will be.

    This song made a difference for me. I hope it makes one for you:

    Liked by 1 person

  86. Have you read the book of Job? Remember that God loves you so much that He sent His son to die a horrible death on the cross for you. The word excruciating is derived from the latin word for cross. Think about that.

    Sometimes it may seem that God does not hear, that He does not comfort, that He does not care; but, you have to remember that we do not see the big picture. We do not know the whole truth because we now can only see darkly, as through a glass. Julian of Norwich (the first female author) died and came back to life. She spent the rest of her life writing about this experience. When she was dead, she walked and talked with Jesus. He showed her things that we are not yet allowed to know. She afterward wrote that she could not reveal all she saw and was told; but, she could tell us that all was well, all is well and all will be well.

    No one gets through this life without pain, suffering and despair. Can we really expect to suffer less than Jesus did? On the cross, Jesus cried out: “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” In His humanness he felt unbelievable pain and he felt utterly abandoned. He endured all this so that He could know your suffering, so that He could understand your pain. He knows. He cares. He has wept for you as He wept for Lazarus.

    I cannot explain why the world is the way it is, why good people suffer and evil people profit (see Ecclesiastes for insight) but I can only tell you that Jesus waits for you full of pity, love and power.

    Liked by 1 person

  87. Yes! The book of Job was the first real connection I made with the Bible and Job 5:17 was the first piece of Scripture i memorized. You are absolutely right. Jesus and eternity waits. There is peace to come.

    Liked by 1 person

  88. Naomi spoke frankly about her bitterness, and how she felt the Lord had “brought [her] home empty” (Ruth 1:21 NLT). Don’t be afraid to speak the truth to the Lord about your heart’s doubts, your heart’s fears, your heart’s anger, aching, and bitterness. The Lord knows! The Lord desires to hear from you! And He loves you so passionately! I can’t promise resolve and clarity, but I know He is with you, always!

    Liked by 1 person

  89. Rae –

    Thank you for putting a Like on my article “Is the New Testament True.” Now, that I read of the agony you have been through, I hope my article brought a bit of comfort and reinforcement to your faith.

    Being a fairly new blogger myself, I’m blown away by the tremendous outpouring of comforting words and counsel you have received from our fellow bloggers! That is evidence of God’s work right there.

    If you haven’t lately, re-read 1 John 4:13-16. As believers, God is in us and we are in Him. God is in each one of those believers who answered your despair and tried to comfort you. While some of them may not have been able to come up with the right words to resonate with you, I believe they were all trying in their own way to be His voice and relay a message to you.

    Remember that not all of God’s miracles are big and flashy. Some are little things, like all the responses you got.

    My sister, in spite of all of the bad things that have happened in your life, you have been greatly blessed. If you haven’t yet, you should bow in prayer and thank our God for all those caring folks who reached out to you.

    May God bless, guide and protect you, for now and ever more.

    Liked by 2 people

  90. You poor darling, it really is too much to be borne. I don;t think you should use faith to try to silence your experiences of grief and anger, however tempting this may be. God’s continuing love and solidarity with you in your experiences is a great solace point. I don’t think God in any way wanted people to do bad things to you…people sin because they have free will but God wants them to act differently to that I am sure.

    I hope you find healing and hope. It’s not ungodly to be fed up, sad or even angry when truly bad things happen

    Liked by 1 person

  91. It’s a journey that’s for sure. But the thing is, I’m Christian to my core. I realized I wasn’t gonna drop my faith when I was praying to God about how I didn’t know if I could still believe. Then I realized, “Wait. I must still believe if I’m announcing to God that I’m stumbling in faith.” Thanks for your encouraging words, though. Bless you 🙂

    Like

  92. GrampaDennis, Thank you for the reference and sharing the Word. I’ll have to look over 1 John 4:13-16. The New Testament is where a lot of hope is. The Old Testament is great, too. But something about Jesus’ words and promises refresh a thirsting soul. God has blessed me immensely. More than I could even begin to thank Him for. He’s good and regardless of the situations I experience, or how I handle life, that fact does not change. God is good.
    *Rae

    Liked by 2 people

  93. Valerie, You’re absolutely right! The enemy is a sneaky fiend. It’s interesting because sometimes when life gets tough, one of the things that come to mind is “Why am I even a Christian?” or “Why have faith in God?” When I get those thoughts, I immediately know they’re an attempt to make me lose faith. The enemy is a sly ol fiend, but he ain’t that good for those of us with discernment. I appreciate your words and the youtube video reference. God bless you! *Rae

    Like

  94. Deb, Thank you so much for offering your time and good will! You’re right. No where in the Bible have we been promised an easy life. Quite the opposite. But God is good and it’ll all turn out good in the end. Bless you and yours,
    *Rae

    Liked by 2 people

  95. Rae, my little sister in Christ. My heart is truly saddened to see that the burden of this life has wearied you to this point. I have some good, no great news for you though; when you are at your weakest our God is at His best! Remember Matthew 11:28-30 says ““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”. I know it sounds cliche’ but it is time for you to let go of trying to live this life according to your plans and let God work His plans for you, Jeremiah 29:11-13 says ” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
    Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

    What I need you to know is that you are right where God needs you to be, not hurt, but humbled. You cannot look at this life and get discouraged, because our hope is set in Heaven with our Lord and Savior. As a Christian we know that Satan is the ruler of this dark world and the only way to avoid the promised destruction and condemnation of this world is through faith in Christ Jesus. 1 Peter 2:20-21 says ‘How is it to your credit if you are beaten for doing wrong and you endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His footsteps”.
    Jesus left us an example, and an example is meant to be followed, not just to be admired. Jesus said “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
    Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12
    I know it can be overwhelming at times and we all have moments of doubt and weakness, but that is why we have a Savior, because by ourselves we can do nothing but in Christ “all things are possible. So cry if you must, but then lift your head up high, because up high is where your help will come from.

    https://thewaychristiandiscipleship.wordpress.com/2013/09/12/real-talk-press-on/

    Your Brother in Christ

    Minister Rodney

    Liked by 2 people

  96. Struggling through trials is not a sign that God doesn’t love you. The Savior Himself suffered through many trials and God loved Him. And He loves you. And I believe that He can help us through the trials we suffer through.

    Like

  97. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
    2 Corinthians 12:9……..

    When we are weak… He is strong… Christ is King… and He loves Us in all of our
    imperfections. Embrace your brokenness in Him. Peace Contentment and Joy for you and your family. Knowing He knows exactly what you are going through… Christ lived out His life here on Earth long before we had to. BE ENCOURAGED….straight up. He’s got Us and all of our situations in His hands.

    Liked by 1 person

  98. Rae, you are a blessing to this world and a child of God, and I’m sorry you have ever felt like anything less than this. I believe Jesus empathizes all of our pain through his suffering for us. I can only try to imagine the pain you must have experienced to feel what you describe in this post, and I hope you are not always praying by yourself. I hope you have community, the church of Christ, to turn to and have pray for you; over you. I hope you experience God’s joy not only through the Word, but from experiencing Him through others, through nature, and through your conversations with Him. I am praying for you, and I hope you experience His blessing of healing and overwhelming love for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  99. Lance, Thank you so much for your comment. It warmed my heart knowing there are such caring people in the world. Do not mourn for my experiences, because they have brought me to the Lord. I appreciate your prayers! God bless, *Rae

    Liked by 1 person

  100. Hello, Rae. My name is sister Tamara. I read your blog and immediately was filled with compassion for you and all that you have gone thru. I too have experienced many hardships and unfair pain of great magnitude. This world truly is a miserable place and will only get worse because the devil is the prince of this world. John 10:10 says; “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” All attacks are from the enemy, and they are spiritual (even attacks on physical bodies). The devil’s scheme is to attack us until we give up the ultimate thing he is after: Our Faith in God. When I realize the war I am in and the enemy ultimately wants one thing from me, I become strongly determined not to give it to him! If the enemy will plot, scheme, plan, and attack me just to get my faith in God, then Faith Must be important. Matthew 7 talks about a wise man who build his house on a rock and when the storms came, his house remained because it was founded on a rock. Our faith based in God’s Word is the foundation we cannot give to the enemy. This world is an evil and dark place, so we seek a better country (Heb. 11:16); our one goal is to be with our Father in Heaven. Hebrews 11:1 says; “faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Heaven is a eternal; this world is fleeting and temporary. 2Corinthians 5:7 says; “we live by faith, not by sight.” Though it is difficult, I implore you not to look at your hardships and the work of the devil and “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”; Philippians 3:14. Stand on God’s Word, hold to your faith in God and focus with determination on your goal of eternal life.

    With love in Christ Jesus,
    Tamara

    Colossians 3:2: Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

    Liked by 1 person

  101. Hi Rae, I feel the same way, that you do, and I, do, understand your pain. I have lived so much longer than you have and I have seen so much and have endured so much pain and disappointment. One thing that I do know is that my creator God is loving and He does have his reasons that are way beyond my own understanding. I, too, cannot understand why he allows the innocent to suffer and all the waste that occurs in this world. At the same time, I have seen what He did intend for man, in the beginning, and, also, the many prayers that He has answered for me concerning my own life and the life of others.

    I have been to the point of wanting to give up, completely, many times, but, then I knew that that was, exactly, when I needed to “keep on, keeping on”. I see all the beauty that God created on this planet Earth and I know that it was created by one who is pure in heart and who, also, wanted to provide pleasure for his creatures. I have had to suffer at the hands of others who do not love God and who hate goodness. Many of those are people who have been abused by others and have blamed God for that abuse, instead of their abusers, and have gone on to abuse others (both animals and humans) because of their warped minds. Why the abuse is allowed, by God, in the first place, is only because all humans have been given free will to do what they want to do, otherwise all of mankind would be nothing more than programmed beings without true independent minds and free will. I am grateful that I do have free choice and that I must choose how I am going to live and how I am going to react to the injustices that happen to me. There was a time, when I was young, due to the abuse that I suffered, that I acted out in ways that hurt others who were not able to defend and protect themselves, just as I had been when I was abused. And, then, I had more understanding of why others had abused me. I worked very hard to change my own warped mind and to be a better person. I had been given the opportunity to see myself, clearly, and to evaluate what kind of person that I wanted to be. It has been difficult to forgive and understand those who have hurt me, but, in the process I have more understanding of them, and, also, I have learned how to protect myself from other abusers.

    It seems like most of my dreams have been shattered and I have not been able to see the sense in it, especially when I have believed that those dreams were for good and not for bad. And, those dreams would have used the talents that God has given me, and it seemed to me that the broken dreams were a waste of those talents. But, for each loss God has brought something else to replace it, which has used talents that I did not know that I had. In that process I have achieved more than I ever thought possible. And, as I have aged, I have, also, realized that many of the dreams that I had would not have satisfied me — God knew what was best for me, although my heart had been broken because I could not have what I wanted. I have had to acknowledge that God know what He wants for me and why, and that the only way that I will know peace and contentment is to led Him work in my life the way that He wants to. But, I am ashamed to say that doesn’t stop me from grousing and complaining, being the strong willed person that I am.

    The title, “More Than I Can Bear”, reveals your heart, but, remember God will never give you more than you can bear, it may seem like you can’t, but, He knows that you can handle, and He is there to carry you. Keep God in your heart and keep believing that He is with you and He will get you through every valley and over every mountain. The adversary of God wants you to lose your faith and trust in God. Go read the chapter of Job, in the Bible, and see the challenges that Job went through; and, yet, he would not curse God and give up and die, as his wife keep telling him to do. Job kept his faith and love for God and Job was blessed in the end. You can “keep on, keeping on”!

    Liked by 1 person

  102. You go girl. Be real, be raw, be honest. I’ve come to this place too and I’m standing not far from where you are. I think that sometimes we have to lose our faith to really find it. I don’t think that God is afraid of that nor is he as panicked as those who have commented here that they will “pray” for you (as if thru those prayers they are trying to convince themselves that they don’t have the nagging doubts hiding out inside their fearful hearts as well.)
    Let’s let those honest questions pour out. They are a balm.

    Liked by 2 people

  103. Rae, if there isn’t a God of love and understanding then what are the previous outcries of those sharing your pain and those crying with you and praying for you?

    When I was going through such trials I felt as you and my sister told me to scream and yell, let it all out. It’s okay. Yell at God, he has big shoulders. He understands. I never forgot that.
    One day, on my way to work, I did just that and then got quiet. Suddenly, I heard his “voice” and in that moment I was calm and the answers came to me. If you’ve not read “The Shack”, you should. I know it deviates from the Christian norm, but in its essence it answers your questions. Each answer is individual to your needs. The more important thing is let go of self. As some may say, “Let go, Let God!”
    Keep in mind, His time is not yet and the world is being run by the wicked one, who is jumping for joy at our outcries, so yes we will have much strife in our lives. Remember too that he isn’t going to bother with the wicked, he already has them in his clutches, so it may appear fine with them. Do not compare your pain to others. Keep in mind too that the pain we suffer through will be one that we may be able to help another with. Everything has it’s purpose. For now, we can draw strength in one another.
    As my sister always says “Love you girl”

    Liked by 2 people

  104. Happy to help in any way I can, Rae. Anyone who doesn’t struggle with faith from time to time doesn’t really know how genuine their faith is. I’ve been there many times myself.

    Liked by 2 people

  105. This has been much of my life, but I can honestly say whenever I feel at my lowest and pray God hears my prayers. Everything Jesus said was true, He gives us His peace and I accept it with an open heart. God bless!

    Like

  106. Joliesattic, Thank you so much for your powerfully encouraging words of love, wisdom, and support. This was written a few days ago and I’ve since then gotten back on track. Interestingly enough. Today, I was thinking/praying (I do so much of both they tend to blend lol). Anyway, in a moment of clarity, I got the thought that screaming or yelling or posting my deepest concerns may be therapeutic for me. But as for God, He hears me regardless. I found that He listens most intently when I say nothing at all. When I’m still and silent. Again, I appreciate your comment so much, sister! In fact the entire Christian community who came to pour out their love to me because I was having a tough day goes to show that the love of the Lord is alive and strong.
    God bless you!
    *Rae

    Liked by 1 person

  107. *Rae, I see that this is recent. Yet you have “liked” just about every one of my posts. I am humbled. May the words the Lord allows me to write touch you where and how you need it, assuring you of His presence, comforting and healing you. He will never allow anything that He can’t turn around for our good. May you rest in that assurance, not striving but allowing Him to carry you along by His Spirit.

    Liked by 1 person

  108. Thank you! I love the community of Christian bloggers and you’re one that consistently posts the Word. I appreciate your kind sentiments, too. Blessings, *Rae

    Like

  109. I just came across this post and I’m not sure where you are today, but I wanted to at least share by way of reminder that He sees you, He knows you, He hears you, He is with you, He grieves with You and He is for you. I pray that the objective truth of His Word and promises cause you to overcome the objective truth of the circumstances you’re facing and the feelings that accompany them.

    3 Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead 4 and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. 5 You are being protected by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 You rejoice in this, though now for a short time you have had to struggle in various trials 7 so that the genuineness of your faith—more valuable than gold, which perishes though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 You love Him, though you have not seen Him. And though not seeing Him now, you believe in Him and rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9

    Liked by 1 person

  110. I just read this post. I am so sorry for the things that you have been experiencing in your life. I just want you to know that God hears you. He sees you. And He loves you. Although it’s hard to imagine that there would be a God in all of this pain, know that He doesn’t cause it but allows it. God has given us a free will to choose right or wrong and to choose to follow Him or not. A lot of times people want Him to control all of the bad things in our lives and protect us so that only good things can happen but that’s just simply not how He works. If He controlled one part of our lives, He must be in control of it all. But that would mean that we wouldn’t have the choice to love Him, it would be forced. So while God allows things to happen, that was never His heart or His intention for us. He loves you so much

    Liked by 1 person

  111. Hi Rae, your post moved me. I’m Andre, the administrator for the Daily Goodies BLOG. I know that it’s hard to understand the suffering that occurs in daily life; but I can assure you that, even though it seems that we sometimes receive more than our “fair share” of it, our loving Dad has a purpose for it all which will one day be revealed, and for which we will ALL eventually glorify Him for His wisdom and mercy. This is truly an adventure of faith. Remember that Paul asked God to relieve him of some immense burden in his life, but God said that His grace was sufficient for him (II Corinthians 12:9). So it is with us; and this will all seem a trifling thing to us one day, because we will know that all of life’s trials and sufferings aren’t worthy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us (Romans 8:18).

    If you would like to chat with me, please feel free to e-mail me. In the love and grace of our wonderful Father,

    I am your fellow-sufferer,

    Andre

    Liked by 1 person

  112. Rae, thank you for visiting and liking my post on not becoming a flat squirrel. I clicked back to your blog and found this string of comments in response to your post of January 7 about being near the end of your faith. I read through many of the comments posted here and I see that you did too. There are so many great words of encouragement and faith that I won’t attempt to add more to those thoughts. However, just think what kind of God made 158 people feel enough concern about you to post their thoughts and advice and to send you their prayers. That’s quite amazing and I would hope heartening to you.

    The peace that passes all understanding was never promised to us here on earth, but awaits us in heaven. At best, while we are here we can try to be at peace with ourselves and with others. I do not understand when I see and hear people on the news forgiving the person who caused the death of a loved one, but I admire their ability to do so for they are closer to that peace that passes all understanding than I am. So, I just keep the faith and keep praying. To do anything else is to surrender to the evil force that would tear us away from God and I’m not ready to give up. I will add you to my prayers, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  113. The trials and tribulations we are called upon to face and endure are not to be looked upon as though they were an evidence of His displeasure. They are tempered by a loving heart. A deep abiding trust and consciousness of His watch-care over us in the midst of our distresses will enable us not only to endure but to enjoy them. — Frank Neil Pohorlak

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  114. Sweetie, my heart broke when I read this. I think we all experience a crisis of faith. We don’t have a God who stands by, helpless–He is working, sometimes behind the scenes. But this isn’t His Kingdom yet; we still fight battles against the enemy until the King returns. You probably already know the scriptures I would share, so I’m not going to repeat them here. For me, the answer always comes when I get a bigger view of God–especially not the view the secular crowd promotes (a god of their own making, much like them and not like Him)–and see the big picture of “HIStory” revealed in scripture. This world is going to get worse and worse, and suffering is going to feel even more intense. And, sadly, it has infected the church. (We don’t have a clue what real “revival” looks like in most churches!) And then, the enemy of our souls loves to torment us and make us doubt the lovingkindness of the Lord. He wants us to forget about grace. The way out for me is the path upward, a shift of focus. I have to admit, I’m supposed to be “spiritually mature,” but there are days I just think, “Lord, this is too hard.” I have to return to who God is, and who I am before Him. I keep coming back to who I am in Christ, and so wanting others to know Him too. Returning to His strength, not mine. His wisdom, definitely not mine. I am praying for you right now, Rae. Praying you will dust off your armor (Ephesians 6:10-18), stay in the battle, and stand against the enemy’s schemes to overcome you. You are honest and heart-hungry for the Lord, but you are definietly not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  115. Dear Dawn,

    I like what you wrote to Rae and I think you were wise not to quote scripture in this instance, and below are copies of the phrases I particularly liked –

    “You probably already know the scriptures I would share, so I’m not going to repeat them here.”

    “Returning to His strength, not mine, His wisdom, definitely not mine.”

    Congratulations for a well-written and thoughtful post.

    Peace and love to all,

    Dinos

    Liked by 1 person

  116. VictoryOverRxDrugAddiction says:

    I too have been through horrific trials here on this earth; however you cannot choose to allow Satan to take your soul. Eternity is forever!!! Look what all of the apostles had to endure? The Bible talks about our challenges today being incomparable to what we have waiting for us in Glory. The end DOES justify the means, as we set our eyes on the prize when we shall have no more sorrow or pain or tears……. and no more death or separation from our King and one another. That’s why Jesus says, many are called but few are chosen. Please choose to be chosen and hold tight to His Mighty Hands. We can’t see the spirit realm; however it’s what we can’t see that which is our true reality. Very blessed!

    Liked by 1 person

  117. God bless you I thought this Teaching Series We done in Our Fellowship will help.

    Rejection comes in many shapes and forms and the adverse affects of rejection plays out in a person in many ways

    Here is the Link I hope you do not mind me posting the link here if you do then just remove the message absolutely no problem my end

    God bless your heart and I will keep you in my prayers

    https://graceloveandtruth.com/teaching-series

    Liked by 1 person

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