What-eva, I Do What I Want!

This post has been a long time coming. With the recent Women’s March on Washington and the topic of abortion. I guess now is as good a time as any to share.

So abortion.

I used to be Pro-Choice.

And really, I wasn’t Pro-Choice, I was Pro-Whatever the Hell I Want To Do.

Living like Cartman, “What-eva, I do what I want.

Then in my final year of college, I got knocked up. I didn’t think twice about scheduling an abortion. It was my body, my life, my choice, my blah, blah, blah…

So there I was alone. Sitting in the clinic, waiting to reclaim control over my life.

Truthfully though, I never had control over my life.

I was mad at God because He allowed me to get pregnant and I remember thinking, “I wouldn’t be at this clinic if You let Plan B work like wanted. Whatever happens is Your fault.”

At that point in my life, when things weren’t going my way, I always found a way to hold God responsible.

Soon, I was up. The doctor did an ultrasound, then told me I was too far along and would need to reschedule for a second trimester abortion.

I went to the receptionist, she asked when I wanted to reschedule. In that moment, I felt a surreal calm. It coulda been shock or the Holy Spirit. Either way, in that moment, I knew I was keeping the little Sperm Blossom.

I didn’t reschedule.

It was a Divine sign that I was meant to have my baby. That’s what I chose to believe.

Looking back, I’m almost brought to tears. Tears of shame. Tears of joy. The Lord saved me from a mistake that I wasn’t prepared to live with.

Abortion is murder. I’ve always believed that, but the magnitude of it didn’t engulf me until I look at my beautiful baby girl. Growing up, seeing her smile, seeing the joy and love she brings into this world.

Don’t misunderstand, I do not judge those who have had abortions. It’s not my place. And it is only the grace of God that prevented me from having one myself.

And if we must get technical, Moses commited murder and he did great things. So there is redemption for those who give their lives to the Lord- regardless of what they’ve done.

My experiences have made me 100% Pro-Life. Life for the baby. Life for the mother. Just life. No shortcuts and no easy outs.

“What about in the case of rape?” Well, I’m glad you asked!
Cuz I got something to say on that, too.

I’m not here to push the Pro-Life agenda. I’m just throwing my voice out there with the rest of em. Because of all those chanting, “Pro-Choice,” or, “Pro-Life,” only a handful have ever been in the theoretical situations they’re so passionately arguing against.

For those with strong opinions and no experience, kindly sit ya ass down.

Lord, have mercy.


62 thoughts on “What-eva, I Do What I Want!

  1. not being a female……i would never come close to the situation…….but i have found myself agreeing to the reasons from both sides……..i agree with you…….in the moment, do whatever is necessary……and no one should judge or be judged……

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Bless you, my dear. I have been in the clinic, holding my then, girlfriend’s hand. If it was my choice, I would say, let’s keep and raise this creation of God’s. It does take a toll on all interested parties. I am of the same thinking, allow others to be free to make choices and bear the consequences.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much for sharing! I totally agree with you that abortion is murder. Actually I think it’s premeditated murder. I’ve never been in that situation, but God’s Word says He knits us together in our mothers womb and knows every hair on our head. I applaud your courage. E

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for sharing such a personal thought especially based on the women’s march. The hard truth is that the little person with a heartbeat at 6 weeks (around the time most women realize they’ve missed a period) has NO CHOICE. May the Lord bless you for life you spared. May you speak loudly to others about His Truth – all are created in His image. With love, Mona

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi, Rae! You were kind to like my blog the other day, and after peeking at yours, I have found you keep coming to mind. I popped over to “check on you” and saw we are blogging about the same thing once again today. Praying for you! I think grace has your number!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Mona, You’re right. A human life is a human life. God spared me from a mistake I feel I would have regretted all my days. My heart goes out for those who feel there are no other options. Thank you for your comment. Blessings, *Rae

    Liked by 2 people

  7. *RAE, you are real! *Rae, YOU are real! *Rae, you ARE real! *Rae, you are REAL!

    Mercy, dear sister, this is a powerful post and I thank you for your sincerity and courage for sharing it!

    Full disclosure: For the longest time, I would have called myself pro-choice. However, o’er time, I have come to believe that the pro-choice/pro-life continuum cannot embrace, much less embody the complexities of opinions and perspectives on the issue, the reality of abortion – all of its presenting circumstances and ensuing consequences. Now, I call myself pro-woman, for I seek to be an advocate for a woman’s right to exercise her informed and considered choice.

    Thank you, *Rae, for being and sharing you with us.


    Liked by 3 people

  8. I kept my date rape baby and even married the rape daddy who with mothers help put pressure on me to marry him because he was afraid he’d lose his job if they found out. I don’t regret keeping the baby, She is now 46 and has given me two beautiful grand babies. And yes, I did think about abortion with her but only fleetingly and only to avoid marrying “him”.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. I despise that the abortion topic has become more of a political argument, a measuring stick to determine which candidate a person will vote for, instead of a moral or ethical discussion. I strongly encourage counseling and adoption. I do accept abortion in the case of rape, incest, and when the mother’s life is in danger. However, I tend to avoid debates about abortion simply because I am not a woman and cannot fully grasp what I woman experiences during pregnancy and childbirth. But I do want to share some thoughts after reading this post:

    1) A bishop said, “Being Pro-Life does not mean ‘Anti-Choice.’ Every human is ‘pro-choice’ as everyone has the right to make choices. Prisons are full of individuals who made a choice to commit a crime.”

    2) Moses murdered an Egyptian who was oppressing the Hebrew people. I am not aware of anyone making an argument that a fetus or zygote being oppressive to a mother, thus, deserving to be aborted.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. “I am not a woman and cannot fully grasp what I woman experiences during pregnancy and childbirth.” Well said! And in regards to your argument regarding Moses’ justification in murder, it was still a sin. Sin is sin. Humans have no right to determine who lives and who dies.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Deuteronomy 30:19
    This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Hi Rae. It’s me, long time listener, first time caller 😀

    I really appreciate the like on my blog. Thank you! And coincidentally you are blogging yourself on a Ben topic. Who knew. Who does these days. I am FAR from religious…….I am Pro Life. I Am. Here 😀
    I read a letter where he told my to get an abortion. It was weird reading. I was young. 8ish. There is a whole life on the opposite scheme but who am I to judge?
    I am Me. I Love this life.
    I Feel a part of a process. It is sanguine / fluid
    I am a Bastard and will never be Royal. But I am. We Are. See you 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Can I slightly edit here?
    My Mom…………!!!
    The best. She raised such a good boy. We are all here to do what we are here to do. Right, wrong, indifferent. Does not matter. It all Matters

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Perhaps, but might it be that calling women having abortions ‘murderers’ not helpful? There is a belief that cites the words of the Bible –

    “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”
    Gen 2:7
    that sees the body (the dust) as different from the Soul, which enters at the first breath. Since no one knows for sure, I’d say follow the kinder path.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Comparing two lives with limited knowledge of each is something I personally avoid doing. Only God knows in detail the intricacies of an individual’s life. The Bible gives us a small glimpse into the existence of an Egyptian task master. No one has the power to judge sin except the Lord. We can compare, but should always remember we’re just opinionated humans and ultimately we have no place to decide who lives and who dies. That belongs to the Lord alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. A similar thing happened to me and my ex. When she was pregnant with my last child, she wanted to have an abortion (I found out later that this was her common method of birth control!!) As I waited outside, not wanting her to have the abortion (plus it’s before I came back to the Lord), I was praying to God that she would just change her mind! As I waited, she finally came out, tears in her eyes…
    I said, “Well?” She said that she didn’t do it because she heard a voice saying STOP! I am so blessed to say that my almost 20 year old daughter never ceases to amaze me with her talents and her love for God! Tears in my eyes writing this, but your story is a story of HOPE not pushing agendas, as many of your blogs are very colorfully put together, they also emulate the voice of many Christians that cry out to God, through trials, tribulations, and sometimes, depression, anger and everything else… God wants our hearts…even if that means that we are broken at the time! Thanks again for your inspiration!

    Liked by 3 people

  17. That’s pretty brave Rae, putting that out there. You were brave too, to tread the path you did. You were also blessed….you didn’t even know you were going to be blessed in that way. Ah…mysterious ways. Have to love them. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m pro-choice, but it doesn’t mean I’m pro-abortion either. I just don’t think the government should be involved in these kinds of decisions. In a perfect world, people would be more careful about having sex, they would cultivate loving relationships before bringing children into the world, but unfortunately that is not the world we live in right now. Morally, I’m pro-life, at least as far as it goes for me. I’ve never had children, don’t want them, and got myself permanently sterilized so I would never be put in a situation like that. But I took control of MY situation personally. I think birth control education is absolutely number one. Either way, I want people to have the choice legally because taking away that choice endangers a lot of other rights. I don’t think the government has any right to tell any woman what the best outcome of her situation is. My best friend had an abortion, and I support her 100%. It was not an easy decision for her, and it still wears on her mind, but honestly having a child in her situation would have been a mistake in my opinion. Should she have used better birth control methods? Yes, but it’s too late for that once something happens. I wish she would have made better choices beforehand, but honestly that child wouldn’t have grown up in a nurturing environment (actually, the father has another child now, but he’s in and out of jail like a revolving door…not a great role model for a child) and in my opinion, adoption is just as hard of a decision. You go through all of the labor and pain just to give the child to someone else to raise. It’s a nice thought of letting that child have a life, but in the case of abortion, I don’t think that energy and that spirit is lost, it will just go somewhere else where it is needed. Maybe person A having an abortion means that person B gets to have the miracle baby that’s born against all odds. Who knows. Either way, from a moral standpoint, I’d say I’m pro-life, but from a legal standpoint I’m pro-choice. We need to quit relying on the government to make all these laws for us and start making good choices because they are good choices instead of because we “have to”. Making abortions illegal isn’t going to stop them, it’s just going to make things less safe. That’s what we really need to think about. Glad you decided to keep your baby though, you made a positive choice, and for that I commend you, and I’m sure your daughter does too!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Good for you! Two imoortant things we can all remember the whole argument of “it’s my body I can do what I want…” from the Christian standpoint we know that everything we have we didn’t get from ourselves. All the good os a gift from God, we are only stewards of it in this life and living on borrowed time! Second point, the argument isn’t even about the life of the mother, it is about the life of that little clump of cells at the moment of conception who may only have a heartbeat and not a voice to protest. Someone has to fight for their cause. I thank God my mom was pro-choice because if you are not safe in the womb where can you be? And while Moses was commanded by God to kill 23,000 people who were worshipping a golden calf, it still remains that murder is a terrible thing, it’s unnatural whether it’s for a just cause or not. Life is natural, life is good, it is a gift from God to be preserved and protected, not punished for being made. We may take part in the physical aspects of creating a person, giving them traits, attributes. Ultimately, it is God who breathes life into that soul making them the unique individuals they are. Everyone has a purpose whether it is consistent with how WE think life should be or not. I am sure the cure for AIDS or something horrible like that may never be found, because the baby who was to grow up and find it was snuffed out before iit had a chance. God bless you, keep spreading your message.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Reblogged this on Beyond The Stone and commented:
    As Rae, (the author of this post) puts it best: “Because of all those chanting, ‘Pro-Choice,’ or, ‘Pro-Life,’ only a handful have ever been in the theoretical situations they’re so passionately arguing against.”

    Here is a great example of being put first-hand into the situation of having to choose. And the redemptive power of the Holy Spirit to take control and transform lives, in more ways than one.

    Thank you for having the courage to share your experiences Rae.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Amazing story and Amazing Choice. So many people hold God accountable for either not doing something or letting something happen. I got Cancer. It wasn’t his fault. You take your punches and roll with them. Thanks for the like on my post.

    God Bless

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Rae – Thank you so much for this blog! It’s so easy to argue points, and yet so hard to love one another. May God continue to bless you, your family, and your endeavors. (And thanks for stopping by BigSisterKnows.) I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I appreciate your honest views from both sides of the choice. I’m glad you kept your little baby. It is what you would have suffered also if you had an ‘abortion’ afterwards which would have been very hard. Following you for more just now. Thanks for liking my post so I could find your blog. Stephen

    Liked by 2 people

  24. I love this, and I think that stories like this are how we discover something worthwhile. I care a lot less about theory than I do what happens to the women who make either choice. Because that determines if we create life in our world, not what political box we sign up for.

    Thank you for sharing your story, for sharing it openly, and for sharing it unreligiously. Truth rings so much more true when the voice speaking it isn’t trying to push an agenda.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. After a certain point I do beilieve that I are killing a human. But this happened because you weren’t being careful. Don’t just put a blanket term like murder on it because you didn’t do your job a woman and keep track of yourself and what not. I had an abortion 4 weeks in. It was our little jelly bean and I was devastated but to bring a child into poverty is worse than not letting come to full term. As women we need to understand that WE have the RIGHT to chose when where and how to have our children. I feel sorry for those pushed by religious and other people’s morals to do go either way with their unborn.


  26. Bringing a child into poverty is tough. I was born into poverty and have had God’s blessing and now I have a successful career and a life I never knew was possible. God can turn poverty into prosperity. However, I completely understand that fear causes people to assume the worse and take actions they sometimes later regret. My prayers for you, sister.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. i am glad you found my views agreeable………in the world we live in now, its so hard to have a clear opinion with so much exposure and information………..and sometimes we have to just make peace with the fact that, it’s okay to not know and have an opinion on everything……we are not gods. hope you are having an amazing Sunday! best wishes! 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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