Due to the craziness of the start of Fall Semester, I missed my appointment with the psychiatrist.

As a result, I didn’t have a prescription waiting for me after I went through the last battle.

Note: I thought I typed bottle but during the re-read, I see I put battle. That’s even better.

I am going to get that appointment and prescription taken care of this week, though. I know I need to be on medication, because I get to the point where I can’t even stand being around my own emotionally unstable ass. >.<

Feeling like the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland.

But anyway, despite being off my meds, I’ve found a few spiritual truths. The other day I prayed for the Lord to help me overcome my ego.

He mercifully accepted my request. In a few moments of utter clarity, I realized I was dictating my life with arbitrary constraints:

  • Trying to prove my worth to others in order to feel validated (especially in a Church or social setting).
  • Letting the insecurities I obtained years ago, cling to my character.

And in those few God-given moments, I felt true freedom.

woman sitting in field of flowers

The freedom to wake up each day and live a life independent of the expectations, judgment, and insecurity I’ve placed upon myself.

The hardest, most rewarding result of that brief experience is being confident of my place in life without having to explain a damn thing.

Be happy for no reason. Be confident for no reason. Because real happiness and confidence are not built on the approval of others.


27 thoughts on “MEpiphany

  1. Rae, perhaps that whole “bottle” vs. “battle” mix-up represents a Freudian slip (since you’ve referenced psychiatry/psychology). It is all a BATTLE–a battle to accept God’s grace regarding our imperfections, which include public and private faults (sins). The battle, baby girl, is beyond the bottle. Take it from your big brother here…the more you push to communicate with our Father, the better you become at confessing and realizing He is the ultimate power. You then become more free and happier about the fact that He’s in control and that you don’t have to bear the weight of the world nor have a desire to look like the world.😄
    You are BLESSED, Rae (as are we all), in Jesus’ name. Amen!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. “Trying to prove my worth to others in order to feel validated (especially in a Church or social setting).”

    This sounds eerily familiar. Oh, right! I’ve been there too!

    Great post, Rae!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Grace, pure Grace. Rest in Him for He finished the work or requirements of what others expect and what we think we should expect from ourselves. Its the gift of Life! May you embrace it abundantly!! Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sarah says:

    Rae, I don’t believe you need medications. Truthfully speaking, doctors prescribe medications to keep you on them, making money, and making you feel like you depend on them (legal drug dealers is all they are). You just need JESUS!! You will find true happiness that will make you throw away those bottles and save your money too! Trust me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sarah, my licensed psychiatrist prescribed antidepressants based on severe behavior due to trauma from rape and attempted suicide. And my meds are dirt cheap. Less than $5. You may be thinking of narcotics. Because anti-depressants do help.


  6. Sarah, I stand in agreement with you, for the same God who through Jesus raised Lazurus and Jairius’ daughter from the dead is definitely able to deliver us from man’s medical “advise”and prescriptions. I’ve known people who were taking 10-12 prescriptions per day come off ALL the medication just fine over time and function well.

    Let’s believe God for Rae and for all others concerning HEALING in EVERY aspect of OUR lives, in Jesus’ name. Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Before we go playing doctor and crusading to get people off their medicine, let’s take a moment to look at this number: 44,193. It’s not the number of the beast. It’s how many Americans die annually of suicide ( Preventable deaths.
    “Scripture and medication and/or counseling are neither enemies nor mutually-exclusive. Scriptural authority is not challenged by the efficacy of medical science.
    This deep-seated belief that somehow seeking help for a mental illness can not only pit scripture and medicine as enemies, but also ostracize and dishearten the countless Christians who, along with their friends and families, struggle with these issues.
    When the suffering doesn’t go away through reading the Bible or prayer, the person affected may despair of his or her spiritual ability or maturity. The very thing that should provide unshakable confidence, that should strengthen our faith in Christ, becomes a source of shame if our faith isn’t “strong enough” to beat the illness.” (
    There are those who read my blog, battling these real issues. I don’t want misguided good intentions to influence anyone to thinking, as Christians, we have to spit in the face of modern medicine and refuse help that God has graciously made available.

    That said, let’s leave the medical advice to those whom God has specifically called into medicine. (:

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Julissa B. says:

    Anyone who has depended on medicine or drugs can easily dispute Rae. If you have a mental illness, I know you can overcome it without the need of medicine. I know because I’ve seen many cases of this. It would be stubborn to just refute the fact that it is possible unless you try. But as long as you allow the world to make you think you need their drugs, then it does you no good. I like your blog, but at the same time it is not leading people who depend on medicine down a misguided path if you say that Jesus can save them without the need for such things, because He performs all sorts of miracles. The purpose of the medicine is to bring your balance in check and then to further ween off of it. In time, you can and will achieve this. Don’t let what you been through control your life. You can fight this just as anyone else can who has been through MUCH worse. Be strong and take control of your life!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t believe we have to try to make ourselves worthy of Christ by refusing medicine. Or to “prove” anything. I also believe God gave us medicine as a gift to ease our suffering. Don’t worry, though. Neither the world nor those in it will decide what do.


  10. I was having a conversation with another parent about kids. Hers is 19 yr old girl in college and I was referencing my 9 year old. After moments of listening to her tell me about her daughter becoming a Dr, (poor child is still aSophmore) and how my son should be an engineer I told her I know exactly what “my boy” will be when he grows up, HAPPY!!!
    We don’t burden our children with our expectation. It seems hostile for a parent to do that.
    I hope you find wings that will lift you above social, religious, and financial expectation. Keep flying!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Rae,
    Isn’t it awesome that the Lord is functional in our disfunction? Out weaknesses are His opportunities to work in us and others around us.
    In Christ,
    On Mon, Aug 28, 2017 at 2:36 AM, Real as the Streets wrote:
    > *Rae posted: “Due to the crazyness of the start of Fall Semester (as > someone who works in Higher Education), I missed my appointment with the > psychiatrist. As a result, I didn’t have a prescription waiting for me > after I went through the last battle. Note: I thought ” >

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Well Rae, you have to make up your own mind on the meds. I can’t explain 1/10 of who or how Jesus healed, but that is an option. Only experienced a healing once, after I prayed. And that took months, It was something, but one of those momentary gifts. Wow what a God. I have to admit, I admire your posts, and they way you communicate. And your honesty. So sorry to hear about your past. Must have been rough. Did you ever regain part of the trust you must have lost? And the emotions, they are still like chains to a degree. But you keep on praying and I’m sure when you are ready to leave the meds and all that past, you will hear a loud and clear voice from Heaven. By the way, when I was writing and ran across stories about widows, I have to go through a living hell. After writing about the life of a widow through the eyes of Heaven, I had to praise the LORD for those …. well looking back, small trials. You Rae, I can’t imagine how you are going to take the past and turn it around to really blast the enemy in the guts. Stay strong girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Do not be discouraged by the enemy that seeks to get you down. Be confident in the one whom keeps you whole! Us Christian writers on here have a purpose, sent from God to spread his good word to the nations. May his grace and love protect you from the enemies scheme of self doubt! Hold your head high, with an all new sight.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. arsenios says:

    I retrieve each one of us has to perish through this cognitive process, and only our Creator can truly supporter us empathise who He has made us to make up, in family relationship with Himself. Sarah, I standstill in agreement with you, for the same God who through Jesus raised Lazurus and Jairius’ girl from the numb(p) is definitely able-bodied to give birth us from mankind’s medical “advise”and prescriptions.


  15. beavoicefororphans says:

    Praying for you! You’re an overcomer and a fighter… In my humble opinion, taking medicine is ok as you continue on your healing journey… Yes, JESUS is able to heal you, me, and anyone HE chooses to… For those who have not dealt with severe mental illness, trauma, suicidal ideation etc. may not know just how traumatic it can get. I’ll stay on the side of Love and mercy for those struggling and working through abuse, depression, mental agony and whatever they’re going through to encourage and support toward well being in HIM… There are so many ways HE sets us free… Sometimes, it’s little steps that others see being made, yet in reality for many they are giant steps toward more freedom… JESUS, our great High Priest, understands our weaknesses… accepts us even when we have little faith, let alone the massive faith we choose to show just to carry on despite our soul and spirit wounds, emotional hurt, physical limitations, and mental pain…
    Here for ya Rae, if ever in need…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hey guys, let Rae hear from the Holy Spirit herself about her medical situation. If you do not have relationship with her you have no right to be speaking into her life. You do not know her situation. I have a friend who used to be on meds and she needed them. She did however get enough emotional healing while she was on the meds that she came off them. Thank you, Rae for being honest and open about your journey with the Father!

    Liked by 1 person

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