Last year, I took Joyce Meyer’s #3030challenge. I studied the Bible daily for 30 minutes then posted what I learned. I’d like to go back and share some of the topics that were particularly eye-opening. I hope you find them helpful!
It’s almost the one year anniversary of the biggest mistake I never made. Around this time last year, I had a bottle of cheap wine in one hand and a bottle of sleeping pills in the other. My go-to coping cocktail. Why?
Because 2015 was the worst year of my life. I systematically lost everything I valued until there was nothing left for me to cling to.
Okay, so I haven’t been blogging as much this past week. I’ve been in a self-pitying woe-is-me emotional funk characterized by cheap wine and crying myself to sleep.
For the past few days I’ve been wondering how is it that the world is so unbalanced. Why for come guilty parties walk away from their crimes unscathed while their victims are left picking up the pieces and trying to keep from losing the only sliver of sanity they have left.
It’s unfair. Quite frankly, it pisses me off.
I prayed a lot in the past 48 hours. Wondering why the hell God would let things carry on like this. I was so wrapped up in my own problems, feeling bad for myself, wondering when the good Lord would dish out some of His divine justice on the man who I blamed for my unhappiness.
In the middle of my self-absorbed bout of depression, I get a text message.
I’ve received so many encouraging words from all of you regarding my post, “I said, ‘No.’” And I appreciate your support more than I can eloquently put in words. Some of you have shared your own stories that have touched my heart. We’re in this thing called life together.
But that is, by far, my rawest post. I still cringe when I read it. Like sprinkling salt on an open wound.
I talk a good game. I put on an even better show.
If we met in the streets, you’d never know my life was anything but perfect because that’s what life is all about, isn’t it?
Appearances, appearances, appearances.
I’m starting to learn just how fragile appearances are. Yesterday was a good day. I was happy for most of it.
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. My post, I said, “No.” brought back so many memories. I know I didn’t innocently skip into trouble or end up there on accident. I had a whole yellow brick road of bad decisions that led me to Consequence City.
The thing about drugs and alcohol is they make terrible shepherds.
Yet here I am. Reminiscing on the Sodom and Gomorrah that used to be my life. Upset at God for letting things change. So what if I was doing wrong? So what if I knew that lifestyle had caused me more harm than good? So what if I’m reaping the repercussions as I type these very words? So what?
So I’m salty, that’s what.
I’ve been working on my anger. Thanks to the Bible, prayers, and healthy temper management techniques, I’ve seen some progress.
However, the Lord made it clear to me that I can’t treat the symptom and ignore the cause. Being angry at someone is the result of being unable to forgive.
So next time you find yourself all angry and upset at someone, keep in mind that you could forgive or you could choose not to forgive… then end up bitter and angry, which isn’t as fun as you’d think.
Forgiveness is an absolute necessity when it comes to obtaining and maintaining happiness.