So last night I prayed for humility. I knew it was a prayer that needed to be said because I prayed each word with a little bite.
Like my ego was saying, “I don’t need to be more humble. I’m perfect as I am and humility is for p-” and my spirit was like, “Shut the hell up, ego! I’m tryna keep us out of the eternal pit! *Clears throat* As I was saying Lord, help me to tame my arrogant ways.”
And, yes, I recognized the possibility that I may suffer from schizophrenia. But that’s irrelevant.
The point is, I’ve started telling myself, “no.” Yesterday I got home after work, ready to chow down on some lit sushi. But then I realized I wanted it too much. So I decided to fridge the food, shower, and straighten up a bit. Then ate.
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. (Proverbs 25:28)
It’s pretty empowering to feel in control of your own behaviors. Spirit leading the body and not the other way around.
Stay in control,
I already studied parenting, but this is mom-specific. Because we love moms!
If children are the future then every mother, to some degree, determines the future. Of course we all know God has the final say.
To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.” (Genesis 3:16)
Pre-baby, I was a very different woman to say the least. As for “nurturing,” the only thing I could keep alive was a resilient wandering Jew.
Studying hope made me realize I needed to learn more about trusting God. Oh, and I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again…
The #3030challenge is life-changing!
Outwardly my life isn’t much different except I’m more active in the Christian community. But inside, I’m growing and I can tell!
I’m not where I could or should be in my faith, but if you knew the skeptical know-it-all can’t-tell-me-nothing type of Christian I used to be… #progress
I should be at the half-way point on my #3030challenge, but I missed a day because I’m a single Momma and my little Fudgemaker comes beforeth the blog.
But I’m not complaining. I’m quite fortunate and I know that. I also know sometimes I don’t acknowledge all that I have to be grateful for. When I see a dirty diaper, I have to make a conscious effort to remember that I have a healthy baby. A baby whose health I prayed for.
Who am I to make a request of God, then be dissatisfied when He delivers?
So tonight, I brushed up on the subject of gratitude. Because when people aren’t happy, it means they aren’t focused enough on the things they have to be happy about. Myself included… Myself especially.
This post came pretty close to not being written tonight. Because I had a case of the blues. And the grumpies. Aka the pissed off madder’n hell depressies.
Have you ever seen Key & Peele and that one scene with Meegan and Andre outside the club. Anyway, she doesn’t get her way and storms off saying,
“I’m so over everything right now. I’m over the floor. I’m over the sky. I’m over you.” – Meegan (Key & Peele)
That came to mind when I was lying in bed because that was my official stance: I’m so over everything right now! I’m over life. Over responsibilities. Over disappointments.
I was in such a bad mood that all I wanted to do was curse my heart for still beating and my lungs for still breathing because they kept on working while my mind was screaming: Enough already! I’m done with this. I’m over everything.
This morning I found myself heading down a path of thinking that used to result in me being angry and depressed all day. Then I was like, “Nope, not gonna do that. Not today.”
What used to creep into my mind, take root, and upset me is no longer calling the shots. And it’s only day 8! If this is the sort of positive change I see after a week, I can’t wait to see where I’ll be at the end of the #3030challenge.
Actually, yes I can wait. Because tonight I studied patience 🙂